Better By Nightfall

This is "Broadripple is Burning" by Margot & the Nuclear So and So's as performed by "The Spring Escape." I actually like this version a lot.

I can't get to sleep tonight, once again.

In the meantime, I am enjoying "Broadripple is Burning" by Margot & The Nuclear So and So's. I highly recommend you check it out.

(And, yes, I'll be updating my blog template over winter break. Three more weeks.)

I've been teased! I've been chasing an illusion for the last week, all the while grasping at something that I knew I could not obtain. I kept thinking that I could somehow reach it and, for a moment, be where I wanted to be. However, now that I am almost at the end, I feel awakened and uplifted in my disillusion.


The course of events for this break were almost the same as before and I followed the routine like clockwork. I let myself believe, as I do every year, that I could and should be beyond what I am capable of. I packed as much as I could into the few days I had, hoping I would be able to do everything. I kept contributing to my burden with every thought of what I needed to do. However, as the days went by, my motivation and sanity quickly depleted. I accomplished a lot, but I never let myself feel good about what I finished. I built myself up only to tear myself down.

Yet, during my seasonal self-fulfilling prophecy, I learned something.

As I was sitting alone listening to Margot & The Nuclear So and So's, I realized that I am a creature of vicious habits. Instead of focusing on the fact that I had survived most of the semester, I had allowed myself to fall into a senseless rut of my own creation. I didn't even let myself see that, though the semester has been tough, I only had three weeks left before I could say, "I made it!"

Though simple enough, it shook off some of the weight I had strapped to myself. I felt lighter. I told myself that I would look on the bright side and break the usual habit.


So, here I sit tonight, working on my homework, yet taking it easy. I am starting to see that I can only do so much until I have to give the rest to time. My life shouldn't be about extra constraints I impose on myself, but, instead, should be about my attempts to break free of those I that I can. I plan to do this as much as possible, whenever I see the opportunities available.

Stress engenders unusual and deviant phenomena both in my life and within me. Though I feel fine during these instances, I am never completely fine. There is always something boiling under the surface, stewing away until it can bubble over into some part of my day, week, or month.

In some ways I have grown accustomed to the undeniable fact that stress will always be a part of my life because I make it part of my life. Stress and I have a symbiotic relationship, if that is even possible. Even though it can be imposed upon me by others, and even though I know it only has as much power over me as I allow it to; we engage in tussles to determine who reigns supreme. Sort of like the Narrator and Tyler Durden in "Fight Club," only not as psychotic nor homoerotic.

I cannot place my finger on the main issue. I cannot determine why my life is and has always, seemingly, been this way. I do, however, know that it is almost entirely mental.

I seem to throw mental roadblocks in my path. However, instead of simple sidewinding curves, my mind goes to the extremes of cliffhanging hairpin turns. I make mountains out of molehills. I see land mines in green grass. Yet, aside from taking it one turn, reach, or step at a time, I can't release myself form this tension.

For some reason, I always feel like I'm under the gun. I'm always on the run without ever knowing where exactly I am going. I cannot shape it no more than stop it because I feel some innate drive within me. I am compelled by it; yet, pushed, pulled, and tugged at the same time.

At the very least, though, I feel like I can handle my stress--my "Tyler Durden"--much better. Being by myself has been tough. Classes have not been easy. Teaching has challenged me more than I thought it would. Yet, I feel inured to this life I have going for me. Sometimes I feel caught up in all of it. Other times, I feel like I am drowning in all of it. At my most desolate, I feel consumed by it.

Most of the times, though, I feel support all around me. It always lingers off in the distance and it is never hard to find, though clouded in stress. Although it often appears as a simple spark in my darkest hours, it becomes the ray of perseverance and hope that guides me through and leads me closer to where I am meant to be.

I am starting to feel like Bill Murray in Lost in Translation. I have the worst luck getting to sleep at night, not because I am in another place, because I can't put myself at ease. Thoughts keep running through my mind and, for whatever reason, I cannot let them go.

This is nothing new for me, but it seems more intense this semester. No doubt, grad school has played a role in this. However, I feel like this has become more habitual and less endemic than it used to be. It's a nightly thing and I cannot shake it. I think if it were simply school I would be over it. After all, things are going well.

As I sit here, focusing primarily on this issue and putting everything else on hold, I feel relaxed in analysis. I am uncertain about my "insomnia." I've been questioning whether or not it is biological, and I do not think it is. If it were, it seems that it would be more pervasive and harmful. Upon further introspection, I think it might be psychological out of loneliness.¹

Don't get wrong. I enjoy living alone, but I think that my insomnia and loneliness go hand in hand somehow. Although I am skeptical about this point too, it seems to fit more in my mind. After all, when I am up late I am usually talking to my friends over the Internet or on the phone. Of course, these forms of communication are no substitute for face-to-face interaction, and I think that is why I am having a hard time truly overcoming "the loneliness issue." I have friends I interact with on a daily basis, but no one is a good friend. At least, not yet.

To be fair, I have found some relief with some of my good friends who do not live here, but the distance makes it tough. I want to enjoy a pitcher of beer and random stories with them or get a cup of coffee and have an intellectually stimulating conversation, but that cannot happen unless we are in the same place. I also have some new friends in grad school that will likely become good friends. Until then, though, I am lost in my thoughts about everything and nothing. Words that are unvoiced because I do not have anyone who will listen nearby.

I guess it is something I need to get over and come to terms with. After all, I will eventually leave Boise in pursuit of my PhD in a matter of years; I'll have to start over again. If I can overcome it sooner, I will be better off (and have better sleep).


_{1: I don't think it is the coffee or tea. I have reduced my intake dramatically since the end of September. The only thing this would potentially cause is depression!}

Autumn is, without a doubt, my favorite season. The crisp air and cooler temperatures enliven my senses. I feel revitalized by the changing colors, smoky skies, and hazy days. I relish in the ephemeral nature of the season, knowing winter is not far behind.

It is during this time I am most cognizant to the world around me. I take in the changes and reflect on those that have occurred, are occurring, and will occur in my life.

In my solitude, I am able to appreciate where I have been and where I am going.

Adjusting to graduate school has been a difficult process, but I am feeling more at home with each passing day. Each week has brought me closer to finding my voice and my place. Undoubtedly, I continue to struggle. I continue to be pushed and pulled in multiple ways, but I adjust. I change, grow, and move closer to solace and stability.

Perhaps, more importantly, I am starting to understand the motions and norms of the position I hope to attain. Each day as a student, teacher, and committee member illuminates aspects of what I hope will be my future. It furthers my knowledge, making me more adept at what I do.

The changes and adjustments propel me. I remain driven. Inspired.

I will be if I believe.

This weekend I tried to find solace in the chaos of my current situation.

Graduate school has gotten slightly better, but I still question my place here. It is hard to describe exactly what I am feeling. In a strange way, I don't think I can properly put words to my feelings that would explain what "it" is like. I feel out of place, but I know I belong. I do not understand the material, then I grasp it days later. I feel dumb, though I know I am smart. I feel like a fraud, and question if I am.

It is a series of contradictions, constructed entirely in the atmosphere of my mind. The uncertainty coalesces in my mind. It weighs heavy in my thoughts and actions. It ensnares me.

I know that I am not the only graduate student that feels this way. I know I am one of many who is currently struggling with this feeling. I know others who have been through this.

I know this is a phase. I know this will pass in due time.

I know I will get through this.


Though the struggle is painful, I need to remind myself, time and time again, that this is another mountain among countless mountains. I will continue to struggle. I will continue to fight. I will come out on top of this. I will survive this.

I will be better for all my struggles.

There is so much to tell since my hiatus from the blogoshpere. I have missed being able to detail my thoughts and cathartic outbursts. Had I figured out how to properly update and transfer my website information over, this never would have been an issue. I simply would've resumed blogging as usual and, aside from the transfer, not had anything else to worry about.

I'll relate the full story later in more detail. For now, all you need to know is:

• I have returned with a slightly new address and will, of course, continue to blog
  
• I met some amazing cool people this summer, some I hope to stay in touch with for a long time
  
• I met some incredibly annoying people, some I hope to avoid
  
• I grew up a lot this summer
  
• Grad school is crazy
  

More to follow!

On the road again.

Hopefully the former more than the latter (unless my car dies on me).

I did it! Or, at least, I will have done it once Wednesday (today!) is over. Two finals left and then *drum roll* GRADUATION! Bah chicka wah wah. Oh, wait, that's a different kind of celebration!

Yeah. Graduation is only a few days away and, obviously, I am thrilled that I survived and managed to conclude my studies in four years (although I'll be in grad school in the fall!). Instead of stepping into the working world, though, I am headed off to my summer internship. Besides, what fun would I have being a responsible, civil, worker in this hyperreal world? I'll come around eventually, I suppose.

Back to the internship. It's going to be quite a journey for me, mainly because I haven't traveled this far alone. In some ways I am scared about what lies in store, in terms of driving that is. I'm positive everything else will be rockin' for the summer, but my questionable car always makes things...eventful. With a little luck, though, I'll make from one good friend's to another as I traverse state lines and put some serious mileage on my tires (that hopefully will not go flat!).

Naturally, I'm excited for the adventure. Thrilled by what may be and what will be. It's the first time I will truly be on my own and I am looking forward to the experience, both the uncertainties and possibilities. Most importantly, I know I will learn even more about myself while on the road, on my own, and in a new place. It's a welcome refresher to a seemingly stagnant life of a soon-to-be college graduate. It's a change and a chance for growth. And, hey, it's a chance for random photos and crazy wild fun with friends I haven't seen in years!

Here's to hoping that good times do, indeed, roll.

Tonight I thank my lucky stars and those who fought for me in my most uncertain hour. I appreciate those who stood up for me, who didn't accept things as they supposedly were. I am thankful!

Here's to next year! Things are falling into place and I'm feeing better about where I stand, where I have always been (though one person cast doubt on that). I will rock out and enjoy my time.

I graduate only to move on to two more years in collegetown!

This is a fascinating video. It will make you think.

See what happens when I search around on YouTube? I get all philosophical and look at "thinker" videos.

In a time where all is designed to be controlled, the elementary force of our very existence brings an undeniable fusion for a magic moment. This short film is simply about the power that brings us all to life.

Today has been an emotional rollercoaster. Let me preface this further, though. I'm not being emo, but this is probably the most personal post I am about to write.

All my life I have struggled to get where I am going. I have moved from place to place every three to four years. I have had to build new friendships and say goodbye to old friends. I've been all over the place and I have no real home. At college, I struggled to find friends. Since I do not have dependable family nearby, I have struggled to get through personal issues on my own. I have come to rely on myself more than anyone else in this world. I have been my own worst enemy and my strongest ally. In all of this, I have built myself and grown.

When I came to college four years ago, I did not know what I wanted to be. I thought I wanted to do something with computers because I was a major nerd, but after taking two years of intense math courses (Survey of Calculus, Calculus I, etc.) I realized that Computer Science was not for me. What I had come to find, however, was that Communication meant a great deal to me. Part of this was because I was on the speech and debate team. Part of this was because of our amazing debate coach, because he inspired me. Part of this was because of the classes I took, how well I excelled and how much I enjoyed the material. As I switched majors, my conviction that Communication was the major for me never faltered. I finally felt like I found my niche.

Everything progressed this way since then. I quickly realized I wanted to be a professor because I wanted to inculcate fascinating and fun lessons upon young minds. I wanted to do research and make an impact on the field of Communication. I wanted to be an exemplar for my students to follow, just as many of my professors had been.

Today, however, changed that. Even if only slightly. I'm not saying that I doubt myself, my position, my major, or the path ahead of me. However, I do doubt the politics involved in academia.

Today I received a letter notifying me that I did not get the graduate teaching assistantship I applied for earlier in the month. What's most shocking is that, from what numerous professors in the department told me, I was the top undergraduate applicant. However, it appears that I was passed up for some unknown reason at this time. It shocked me. I was numb to it at first. Now that I have had time to sit and think about it, though, things have changed.

For the first time I am truly questioning what I am doing here. I invested too much into this assistantship and now I might not be able to move past it. I needed it for next year and now it is gone. I do not have much to fall back on to, so it is even tougher. There is a chance I might get another assistantship on campus, but there is no guarantee. Plus, it isn't a teaching assistantship, so it is not applicable to what I want to do. Additionally, if I do not get it, I am at a total loss unless I get a job and take out more loans. I'm in a bind.

Moreover, I am conflicted further by whether or not I should stay in attendance here. If I cannot afford it, I do not think I should continue to struggle through when I have had a hard enough time getting through these four years. I have been so strong, but I question how much stronger I can be. My best friend from childhood, Carrie, reminded me that it's always a struggle and that I am going to have to fight for everything I truly desire. She told me that it wouldn't be worth it if I didn't struggle, but even so, I wonder how much more I can take. I agree with Carrie and I truly appreciate her insight. Now it is just a question of whether or not I can carry it through again. I need to reaffirm myself and recharge myself.

At the same time, though, I want to runaway from it all. I feel like everything is crashing down on me and I can't find anything to hold on to. Instead of staying around, I just want to be free of it all. I want to escape. The sad thing is that there is nowhere to run to, nowhere to go. I have to stick it out and figure it out.

I am strong, though. I know I will be alright and I know this isn't the end of it all. I have been through some crazy things before, so this is nothing new. It was just totally unexpected though. But, if I learned anything at all, I learned that this is something I can do. I learned that no matter how hard things get, I will never give up. I will fight as hard as I can to do what I love and what I believe in. I see everything in front of me, everything that lies ahead, and though the road ahead is obscure, my personal strength tells me it won't be so tough if I truly believe in myself.

Apparently cell phone radiation could be killing bees. While you may dislike the nectar (read: regurgitated deliciousness [to some]), the loss of bee populations could lead to decreased pollination creating problems for farmers and gardners alike.

Read more here.

_{That isn't unfortunate and depressing. Honestly, I've been a bit morose since reading yesterday's news.}

My research methods group and I won "Outstanding Acheivement Awards" for our amazing talent, hot bods, biting wit, and, of course, our research! Way to go us! We rock!

We're going to continue the study on over the next year! Hell yeah! Now I get to juggle TWO of my top research topics and party it up in grad school.

If only I could strike it rich. Everything would be just about perfect then.

26 days until I get my degree, 29 until I depart for my internship, and 34 until my escape summer job kicks off. Time is tick-tick-ticking away and I'm increasingly excited to leave! Word!

But before I get too excited the biting reality of my situation hits me. It's not going to be that exciting traveling on the open road with half of my crap in the truck (especially in my car!), but at least it will be an adventure! Plus, I have AAA and a cellphone of questionable dependability. Woo! This is starting to sound like the beginning of an adventure fiction book. The more I think about it, the more I feel that it is going to be fun to get away from here this summer. I stayed here last summer and absorbed the sun while studying deep in the dark. It was good, but this summer feels more action-packed, challenging, and somewhat mysterious. It's enticing.

I'm also inherently nomadic and I feel that some uprooting is essential. The bohemian gypsy blood of my ancestors courses through my veins screaming, "It's time to move!" And while I'm not immigrating, I am migrating across the country. Someplace between coming and going, itinerant transit.

Tick-tock. The clock is ticking!

Professor: (posts above picture on projector) Can anyone tell me who this famous 1920's movie star is?

(silenece in the class for roughly 30 seconds)

Student 1: Uh, I dunno.

Student 2: Drew Barrymore?!

Professor: ...no.

(silence again)

Professor: Anyone, anyone? Clara. Clara Bow.


(Names are anonymous to protect the retarded.)

I've reached the cornerstone of my undergraduate experiences at college. Later this week I will defend my thesis in front of my professors, colleagues, and friends. It's been an extensive road to trek upon, especially when you take into account my numerous setbacks, stumbles, apprehensions, and anxieties about making it to this point. Yeah, that includes everything over the last four years (of which, my blog certainly can attest to).

Even so, I've made it to this point. I'm almost done with this year and with my undergraduate degree. I'm edging it out to the end and aiming for the highest marks I can possibly obtain in my final hours. It's all ahead of me, but soon enough it will all be behind me. Ah, nostalgia!

What perplexes me the most at this time, though, is not where I am nor where I will be, but rather who I am. If I am a composite of everything I have experienced (and I believe I am), then I am greater than most things I have faced. If I am composed of all these accomplishments and improvements, then I can go beyond where I currently am at any point in time and be the person I am. I know I doubt myself from time to time, but mostly because, in my solitude and self, I am itinerant. I am still malleable, moldable, still in motion. I'm still figuring out who I am, and I am certain that I will continue to until my dying day.

Yet, as I look back, I know I have grown, but I feel that I have mountains upon mountains to climb before I am adult enough. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of something new once again, but I'm afraid of what may come and what may become of me. I know I should not fear it. I revel in the growth engendered by change in my life. I feel strengthened by overcoming obstacles, setbacks, and misfortunes. I feel better in transition than in stagnation. I feel more alive. More human. More me.

Though I tread the road ahead with cautious uncertainty, I feel comforted by the wealth of experience, knowledge, and potential held within. I feel the threads of fate pulling me forward, pushing me every which way; though I see not what lies ahead of me. Increasingly, I feel ready to move, to be and to become. Though the ground ahead may give way, and though I may falter from time to time, my belief in myself will not fade nor flag. I will be because I believe.

Perhaps the sleep deprivation is getting to me, but I generally feel better today. Even though I am still irked by the issues dicussed in the previous post, the wonderful weather here has brightened my day.

Now, do I go to my class and fall asleep or do I soak up some sun while reading a good book and fall asleep? Tough decision.

WARNING! The blog post you are about to read is a part emo, part rant. In general, these two items should not be mixed, especially with alcohol! Luckily I haven't been drinking, though I wish I could at this moment.

I'm assuming that if you're still reading, you're interested enough to know what could be so emo-depresso about graduating and moving. Well, nothing is really emo-depresso. In fact, I'm excited about graduating. Shit, son! I've been here for four years and I am finally getting out of here...only to return...after...summer. Aside from that last part, I'm totally psyched. Graduation is well on its way and I am buying my cap and gown tomorrow. Everything, academically speaking (except my grades, I hope!) is down hill from here.

Unfortunately, this semester's eventual end has hit a tumultuous clusterfuck. I use that term rarely, but I honestly have no other way to describe this. The only reason I am writing about it right now is because I need to get it off my mind so I can finish some other work that needs to get done. The issue: moving.

Now, you would probably think that after moving around about five or six times from elementary school on through high school would make me a hardened veteran of moving. At least, I thought it did. Turns out that some moves are easier than others. This transition happens to be one of the worst at the moment. I'm not saying that things won't get better in time, but right now that suck. I've been looking for a place to rent before I leave for my internship this summer and time and time again my brother has failed to follow through. He won't look at the places I find, he won't help me decide, and he isn't helping pay various bills at our current place. Yes, he is older...but he doesn't act like it.

I guess what amazes me is that no matter how hard I try to explain the gravity of the situation to him, he doesn't care. It's like I'm still the little brother. I'm still supposed to be looked down on. He's still stuck in that older brother complex where he thinks he has to be a dickhead. Or, perhaps, he's wrapped up in his pseudo-testosterone rage where he won't let me get a word in because it makes him mad to hear the truth. Either way, it's pissing me off. I am tired of dealing with him. I am tried of living with him. I'm tired of him mooching off of me. I'm tired of all of it.

I just want things to be simple. I want to move out of here into a cheaper apartment or house before I leave for the summer. That's it. It shouldn't be that hard. But, when it comes to my brother, it always is.

I just wish I could feel comforted in the generic response that almost everyone has given me of "it will get better," but I can't. It's been this way for the last month and nothing has changed.

The only thing I can do that will affect him is canceling the lease through the notice to vacate. I did not want to resort to this scenario, but since I will be gone within the next month, I think it's what I am going to do. Maybe then he'll grow up and act his age. Maybe.

That's right. She covered My Humps. Go. Alanis. Go! Hahah!

I just found out that my aunt and uncle will be close by during my summer internship. I have to work for them when I visit, but they will cover my meals! THANK GOD! I won't die of starvation this summer. Huzzah!

Now, I still don't know about internet access. I may die from connectus rejectus if there isn't a place to hook up to the net. I'll worry about this further down the road, though.

Turns out my car decided to crap out on me again. No worries, though. I have AAA now and all went well. At this point in time I do not know what the problem is, but I am sure that whatever it is I won't worry about it. After all, this is, what, the fifth or sixth time this school year that I have had a problem with it. I am used to it by now.

Instead of focusing on the negative, I decided to list the things that went well today starting from when I woke up:

• AXE Snake Peel Shower Gel smells so good on me. That's what she said.
  
• The latte was just right. No sugar, light milk, and not too hot.
  
• Getting the full story alleviated confusion.
  
• Sold another book on half.com. Now I can afford aproximately 50 ramen packs. Woo!
  
• The guy that towed my car was a good conversationalist.
  
• My brother picked me up in a timely fashion.
  
• My iTunes has randomly selected a good assortment of music for this afternoon.
  

So, until further notice, I'm keeping it chill.

Song of the moment: Mr. Brown - O.A.R.


UPDATE

Turns out that my car's gas pump went to hell. Way to go, mi carro! Oh well. This is nothing new with good ol' Lobbi! Anyway, it works again. Hooray!

Now the question is, will it make it for the rest of the semester? We will find out on the next episode of Lobbi the Lobster Mobile! Duh duh dunn.

Every time I see car ads I realize how inferior my car is. Whether it is the Pontiac Solstice, Honda Fit, or Toyota Yaris, I am highly enticed by the advertisements. My car isn't bad, but it isn't amazing. I think the various problems over the last four years have driven me away from it. Truth be told, buying a new car would not change anything. Like every other car, it, too, would have problems in due time if not soon after it was sold. Plus, we know my luck with cars.

Still, it would be nice to have a new car.

I've been looking at various new cars over the last year and a half and I have to admit that I'm highly interested in the Fit. If I had the money and a good job, I would probably get one. As it is, though, I will probably never be able to afford one since I will be continuing into graduate school.

Even so, I will continue to dream about my burnt orange Fit Sport with chrome exhaust and 15" alloy wheels with an iPod hookup and with plenty of cargo space. But just because you dream something, doesn't make it real.

Damn my crappy car and those advertisements!

I took that internship in the Heartland. Here's to a summer of adventure. Something different, something new.

Maybe now I'll have some funny stories to tell instead of my usual caustic commentary on contemporary issues. One could only hope, right? Heh!

I know you've been downloading music lately. Or rather, I am guessing that you have been. Either way, I am curious if anyone else has noticed the accretion in Spanish lyrics by various popular artists that generally have no affiliation with Spanish culture. Jason Mraz. Avril Lavigne. Beyonce.

I understand the "need" to target the burgeoning audience of Latin Americans, but honestly, if you don't speak the language why are you singing in it. I think if you're going to sing in a foreign language and have someone else tell you how to pronounce the words, you are cheap and a bit of a sell out. It'd be one thing if you were being genuine about it and thought it would be a cool idea to produce a song because you decided to buy Rosetta Stone language software (which I totally want, but am too broke to afford at the moment!). However, we all know that you music stars are probably spending your monies on booze, clothing, cosmetics, and cars.

At least Jason Mraz's Spanish version of The Beauty in Ugly has some warrant. As for everyone else, quit trying to whore yourself out to another market. You aren't multilingual, so quit pretending.

Ok. It was bad enough that you joined up with the Black Eyed Peas and turned them into a hip hop bebop wannabe techno dance spaz band, but now your songs are all over the damn place.

I hate them. I hate their addictive melodies and shitty rhymes that easily get stuck in your head. But most of all, I hate that you spell out words in your songs. Did you recently learn to spell? Are you mentally retarded? Are you trying to tell the world that you finally know how to spell your nickname or the word "glamorous?” Heaven forbid you actually produce a song with substance. I mean your songs are about being a materialist hoebag. Congratulations. You're selling the oldest profession in the book. Can you do anything else? You and every other moronic pop star out there have the same rehashed bullshit songs.

As if that wasn't enough, you look like a man. I know you'll disagree, but honestly, if you have to practically perform reconstructive surgery to make yourself look like a WOman, then you are a man.

So please, for the love of humanity and the remaining shards of dignity in the world, disappear. D to the I to the S A P P E to the A and R … and don't return.

Two months from now I will be off on an adventure. In keeping with traveling over the summer, I have been offered a job in the Heartland that I'm probably going to take. It's an internship that will allow me to expand my public speaking skills and certify that I can, in fact, talk in front of people without worry (or so I hope!).

As of right now, though, I'm still considering it. I was offered the job earlier today and I have been contemplating it ever since. If I take it I will be alone for the summer. My friends will be here. My family will be somewhere (long story there for another time!). The only people near by will be my grandma and my aunt and uncle. I'm cool with that, but in many ways I'm apprehensive. I dig my family, but I worry about not having anyone closer to my age around. That and the lack of Internet access. You laugh, but it's serious! Most people who know me will attest to this fact. Truth be told, I think the lack of contact with people my age (i.e. my friends) is a double-edged sword. One the one hand I'll be advancing my resume and taking part in an experience few people get to do. I'll also get to know my co-workers and probably hang out with them. On the other hand, I won't get to see my local friends for the summer at all. Unless, of course, they come to visit me. The internship/job runs all summer and I will not get any vacation. This is what I call a break from college after I graduate. Yeah, I must be messed up.

I'm continuing to weigh it out. I know it will be fun, I know I am capable of the challenge, and I know I want to do something different this summer. Yet, my roots here urge me to stay. I'd love to bask in the sun here with my friends, burn my summer skin, and cherish the memories as I apply the aloe vera (damn my white skin!). I guess the questions are, how bad of a sunburn do I want and where do I want to get it?

I'll know soon enough, and so will you.

Bree sent me this story. Fascinating ad used to spark controversy and pull people toward one person before the primaries.

However, where this article cites the ad as negative and likens it to mudslinging seen in all politics, I contend otherwise. I think it's hilarious more than unfortunate or unscrupulous. In fact, I think it works against both Obama and Clinton because it makes them both look like bumbling fools who cannot maintain the democratic base they already have without pushing to gain more. Look, I know politics is about a war for the hearts and minds votes of the greater populace (i.e. those people that reside in California, New York, Texas, Florida, Ohio), but producing an illusory ad that alludes to some sort of Orwellian future is ridiculous. Instead of targeting people in party ads from the democrats should promote what the candidates support and how they differ from republicans. There is no reason to try and kill people off in the party if the presidential hopefuls are honest in their politics, if they are working for the good of their party and for the good of America.

Instead, we get ads like these that distort the public image of these people and the party they stand for.

It is ineffective. Plain and simple. In fact, I liken it to this mock ad from Futurama.

In other words, why should I care about this ad when it does nothing. It does not inspire. It does not display facts. It does not create a better image for anyone involved.

It distorts. It contorts the images of the two people involved and tries to create a juxtaposition that is largely unfounded. It tries to make the average American not vote or be in favor of Hillary Clinton, but it also cuts back at Barak Obama at the same time. It is an attempt to make the average American confused, and in this state of confusion it attempts to depress voters or those interested either person. This isn't how it should be. As the ads start earlier and earlier, as the campaigns kick off and build in momentum, people need to avoid the misconceptions and seek the truth. Don't rely on the television. Don't rely on the commercials and ads you see. Rely on information you can obtain and read. Rely on records. Rely on what is known, not what is speculated. Get involved and quit being inactive. This is what is wrong with politics in America.

Hey anyone who reads this. Please take my survey for my seminar project. I promise it won't take much of your time AND you'll be helping me out.

Click here to take survey

I appreciate it! Thanks!

These are random thoughts and quotations from the movie 300. If you haven't seen it, you should!

(Oracle flows to incense and melodic music)
Me: Damn! Those are some professional titties. Those nipples should be in National Geographic!! I think they have their own zip code!

Bree: Tell me about it. Looks like this is a movie for the guys.

(King Leonidas meets Xerxes who sits upon a golden throne)
Me: Xerxes, the Libberachi of history!


(King Leonidas stands naked looking at Sparta)
Guy next to me: (fart noise)

Bree: Well, at least the ladies get something!


(Watching the credits)
Bree and I: Asian Transexual?! (laughing)

Me: How bad would that suck for your resume? I was Asian Transexual 1.

Bree: Oh I know! I would hate to be Asian Transexual 3. They'd be like, "So, you weren't good enough to be number one, huh?"

Nationals came and went. The tournament I had been building up for and readying myself for came and went. Within only 72 hours of speech and debate, 5 years of my life disappeared.

I did well. Our team did well. We didn't get first place like we did two years ago, but we got second place and there is certainly no shame in that. I'll never forget how depressed our team was on the last night when the announced that we got second place, and how it upset me. I was and am proud of our team, this team. Sure, we didn't get first like last time, but who cares! We destroyed 50 other teams and lost first place by two points. No one else can say that. No one else had a team that took first place at every tournament they went to. No one else had a team with two All American students (of which I am one!). No one else has had as much success as we have had. And no one has the best damn forensics coach that we have.

I am not disappointed, even though I know most of my team still is. I wish they could see things the way I do, but I'm a grizzled veteran jaded by years of experience and perspective. I hope one day they realize what an accomplishment they achieved that night.

As for me, it is over. I am done. In a strange way I feel liberated from speech and debate, but, at the same time, I am saddened at the loss of it. I learned so much from my experiences that I know I will take with me forever (pending I don't get a stroke or Alzheimer's). It has been but a fraction of my life, but perhaps the most meaningful and most powerful.

I used to say that I believed there were speech and debate gods and that I sought their blessings lest I fail. In truth, speech and debate are what you make of them. There is no luck, no chance, and certainly no mysticism. It's not about the trees I killed nor the hardware I collected. It's not about the people I met nor the places I saw. It's about skill, good and bad pieces and judges. It's more than speaking. It's about thinking. It's about challenging yourself to be more than you thought you could be before. Most importantly, it is about growth.

This is what I take with me from speech and debate. Though it is gone and I am done with competition forever, I will always be part of this greater experience. Part of the art of persuasion, beautiful and just.

Scully,

Looks like the X-Files are heating up. A couple of days and I'll be in the dead zone, in ground zero. There isn't much time left. And though I prepare to venture forward, I feel lost in a wave of uncertainty propelled by chance...crashing on the shore of success. I don't know where I will end up on that shore, but I hope I am not anonymous. I want my time here to be worth something. I want our combined efforts to be worth every single fiber woven together. I hope it will be so. I cannot divine the future, but I feel this purpose and drive. They move me and tell me great things will come.

Wish me luck,
Mulder

Lots of things going down this week:

• Happy three-year anniversary to my blog! Woo! You would think that after three years I would have something more substantive to say, but I don't. Truth is, I've been blogging for five years but those older blogs were deleted because they were childish and lame. Thankfully much has changed since then. . . or so I hope.
  
• National debate tournament in four days. High stress, high anxiety, and high expectations. This tournament lasts almost a week (due to travel) and it sucks the lifeblood out of you. I know I'll survive and do well, I only hope that I don't get sick (like some people I know).
  
• My palindrome birthday in six days. I don't feel a year older. I don't look a year older. I probably won't be enjoying this day. Why? Because I'll be at the national debate tournament. In other words, I will not be celebrating much until March 10th or 11th or a week later.
  

I'm keeping it chill for now, but I can't deny that I feel the tremors of uncertainty. All I have to combat the unknown is preparation. The more prepared I am, the better I will be. I am getting closer and closer to that each day, but whether or not I will be flawless remains to be seen.

Ellen cracks me up. Especially after 5:10 in this clip. Check it out!

The Simpsons is finally coming out with a movie. After 18 years as a staple on Fox, it's finally going to the next level. Sounds like it will be interesting.

Random:

You are the Hanged Man
Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.
With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of
loss from a situation, rather than gain.
The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.
The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
(Thanks to Bree.)

I have the worst cramp/strain in my upper leg. This is what I get for trying to be healthy! Jeez! I knew I should've sat on the couch and ate chips like a raging fatass, but no! No! I decided to go swimming.

Ok. It's not that bad, but I think I pushed myself a bit too much while at the pool. Hopefully it feels better soon. I feel like I'm walking with an added weight on my leg, or kind of like a gimp. Don't laugh, it's not funny!

Recently I was checking out the headlines and I stumbled upon this picture of our current president. I find it fascinating how much the gravity of the position of president takes its toll on the individual who assumes the role. As a history enthusiast, I have examined photos of previous presidents pre- and post-presidency. Whether it is one term or two, the president always looks worn and somewhat broken.

I think our current president is no exception. When I saw this photo I instantly thought, You look worn. Regardless of my feelings towards the president, I can't imagine how one handles the gravity of the position. To know what he knows and to deal with the weight of one wrong decision or another...it's got to tear you down.

I know it's random, but it's intriguing to me how people change immensely when in the White House. It goes to show you that regardless of who it is, the postion will take its toll. It also speaks of history. History is a great teacher. She teaches us that no one escapes the test of time, that each of us is a story that leads to another. Our current president is no exception to that, not in appearance and certainly not in action. Still, I wonder what story will be told of him when he hits the history books. What story will future generations see and know that others experienced and lived through otherwise? Only time will tell.

Until the last speech and debate tournament of my college experience. National Tournament or Bust.

P.S. Screw Singles Awareness Day!

Lately I've been making a few minor changes in my life. Nothing is wrong, though. Instead, as I progress through each day, I am starting to realize, more and more, that I'm growing up.² Some notable examples include:

• Using coupons to save money on food³
  
• Looking for and paying attention to deals (About a month ago I found a slamin' deal on an business suit overcoat. Instead of paying $200, I paid $72)
  
• Slowly discontinuing funneling money towards American Eagle clothing.⁴
  
• Looking for a new place to live and actively pursuing it
  
• No longer playing video games
  
• Applying for grad school
  
• Being able to admit that I am/was wrong⁵
  

Yet, even as I grow, some things still haven't changed. I am still, of course, the same person. Still working hard at school. Still the same geeky indie kewl student. Still methodic. Still humorous. Still hopeful. Still looking ahead and checking behind while remaining content with the present. Still.

Much remains to be seen as the rest of this year unfurls. I'm waiting for the turnaround on those applications, in particular. However, I won't know until March or April. It's a wait, and a curious one at that. So much of my future remains in the balance of those applications, thoughts, ideas, recommendations. There is vested power and potential in those paragraphs, sentences, and words. It's all about the wordplay,⁶ and I'm the one waiting for the response.

In the meantime, though, there is one thing I want to change and it doesn't require waiting. Actually, you can help! This is random, but I've been looking into changing my hairstyle and I am having a hard time finding something that says "that's fucking hot!" As of late, my hairstyle has been a bit scruffy and simple. I want something different. I found the following two hairstyles and thought that I could run with either one:

Option Number 1: Similar to what I already have, but a bit more organized. It reminds me of Nathaniel Fisher's hairstyle. Six Feet Under. Hmm. I don't know if I want to become a part of the show I adore. It meets the "fucking hot" criterion, but in the subtle sort of way.


Option Number 2: A little more modern, a lot more work. Still, I think this one would look great for all those interviews I'm going to have. It would also look good while at debate tournaments. Additionally, it also meets the "fucking hot" criterion.

Tell me what you think about them or show/link a photo of a hairstyle that might work. I know it's funny, but I think a little change will do some good.



_{1: Blink 182 totally had it right.
2: Not that this is a groundbreaking earth-shattering revolutionary epiphany.
3: Not food stamps!
4: This is probably the most shocking item on this list to those that know me personally. Bree was right, though, their clothing is more high school than college, more youth than adult.
5: Not all the time, though!
6: The wonderful thing it does because, because...they say I'm all about the wordplay.}

Anna Nicole Smith has gotten just as much press coverage as former President Gerald Ford. American journalism at its finest. This is why I check out Al Jazeera and online sources.

This is why I love Six Feet Under.

I've been feverishly working on countless applications over the past few weeks. It's fascinating how quickly my life changed once this semester started. Where break was relaxing and noncommittal, school has been intense, demanding, and itinerant. It's been difficult, but fun and worthwhile.

As of late I've found myself looking back over the last couple of years. Indeed, some of my applications and school assignments have required thoughtful and deep reflection of previous experiences. I suppose reaching senior year requires some reflection. After all, I wouldn't be the person I am today nor would I be here now if it wasn't for the composite of experiences that summoned me to this point. In addition to my previous post, I've been thinking about how each experience at college has allowed me to grow. Looking back over the last few years, I've certainly had my ups and downs. Some semesters were good; others, not so much. All in all, college has been quite an emotional, mental, and physical rollercoaster, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

In addition to looking back I've been forced to look ahead. All those applications hold potential, but they also have quick deadlines that call for immediate action!¹ I recently finished my application for a summer internship. It is an extensive program that offers multiple venues in various states, thus the appeal. I'm not sure what I'll end up doing based on the venues I chose, but I hope it is one of the historic, communication, or interpretive internships. The others I listed are mainly there as backup options that I wouldn't mind doing, but would prefer to do only if nothing else is available.²

I've also been working on my graduate assistantship application. Going through the motions, I've set up meetings with the proper people (the GA coordinator, the department head of graduate admissions, etc.) and requested numerous recommendation letters. With a little luck, all will go well for this application. It's a bit of a shot in the dark since there are only 5 GA positions, but I know that I have the potential to get one. Plus, it'd be nice to actually apply the lessons I have known for years to something I'm certain I want to do until retirement.³

In the meantime, I'm going to keep moving. The mountain ahead stands tall, but the journey up doesn't seem so rough. Besides, once I get to the top I'll know where I'm headed on the way down. That illumination is what I'm looking forward to this semester, and it's not as far away as it seems.

_{1: Or maybe I've been slacking?
2: Basically it's either internship or Barnes and Nobles or selling myself on the street!
3: Or until I win the lottery, whichever comes first.}

I absolutely deplore and despise the song of the same name by Bone Thugs and Harmony, but I can't help but feel like I'm edging ever closer to the crossroads of my life. Up until two years ago, college was, in so many ways, the extension of high school. When I first attended college, I felt like I had entered the after-party of high school. Many of my friends from high school continued onto college at the same university I did, or they went elsewhere and we kept in touch via the Internet. Regardless, college felt oddly familiar yet ambiguously distant, kind of like meeting up with an ex-girlfriend in a bar. College, I was told, was the start of everything that lay before me. I was also told that college would be full of good times, bad times, and growth.¹ Indeed, college has been that and more...

[My second semester in college,] I joined the debate team. I had debated in high school, so I felt adequately prepared to take on the task at college. What I didn’t understand, however, was how different speech and debate were in college. Where a simple informative speech took no time to write and was easily memorized in high school, the same event in college required double the work. However, I didn’t realize that until after my second college tournament.

Our team traveled to Washington to attend a tournament. Being a novice to the team, I had to undergo the same process of adjustment and growth I had just gone through in the previous semester. I was new; therefore most people didn’t know me and didn’t warm up so easily. Additionally, I was awkward in the events that I competed. I still hadn’t grasped the concept of memorization, but I performed to the best of my ability. Even so, the judges were highly unforgiving. To them I was another competitor that had started at the beginning of the school year, therefore I should have been fully memorized and competition-ready.

After failing miserably at the tournament, I was feeling low. I had gone into the first tournament of the semester not knowing what to expect, but I had gone into this tournament with a desire to improve on my past mistakes. Apparently I hadn’t. When I didn’t place in anything, I felt like the whole team was looking down on me. While most of my teammates understood my frustration, some were not as sympathetic. To make matters worse, our coach held a team meeting at the end of the tournament in which he accused the three of us who didn’t place in an event of not trying or caring. Our coach even went so far as to say that the three of us didn’t belong on the team if we couldn’t improve quickly. I was completely taken aback by this. Unlike the other two people our coach had singled out, I had tried to improve from the last tournament. Moreover, it was only my second collegiate tournament.

When the meeting was over, I left the room hiding my true feelings regarding the accusation. Everyone at the meeting thought I had taken the words said on face value, but, for some reason, I internalized what our coach said. I took it way too personal, but, again, I was a freshman in the process of growing up.² I returned to my shared hotel room and quietly began working on homework. Although I originally planned to go swimming with some of my teammates, I declined to attend for fear of being singled out as the “weak link” on the team.

As I sat in my room, sulking in my own self-pity, I heard a knock on the door. I initially hesitated to answer, wanting to avoid everyone on the team, but I opened the door to find Nate and Bree on the other side. They noticed that I hadn’t been myself since the meeting and inquired why. Again, I was hesitant to divulge my feelings, but they were perceptive and, eventually, got me to speak. I told them that I felt that I didn’t belong on the team and that I was probably going to quit. Both of them slightly chuckled and said, “Is that all it takes for you?” I was aware that they were trying to get me to stay, but I was resistant to their words. While I continued to push away, Nate continued to talk to me. He told me that debate, like everything else, took time to grasp in full. He described his own experiences that, in some ways, mirrored my own. Most importantly, he reiterated that I need not take our coach's words so serious nor as a challenge. Instead, Nate told me to take the accusation with a grain of salt and simply go beyond them. He said, “Don’t listen to what the coach says. Do debate because you want to and because you can do it well. If you keep focused on improving yourself, you will.” Bree confirmed Nate’s words and noted, “It’s only debate, not the end of your life!”³

I internalized their words and thanked them for their kindness. It was at that moment that I decided to actualize on everything they told me. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I would instead channel my frustrations into improving myself and constantly struggling to do better. As the semester progressed, I applied the lessons I had learned from Nate and Bree and saw increasing improvements in my attitude and performance at school. Over the summer, I dedicated myself to my speeches and focused on applying myself to my studies as much as possible. When I returned to school in the fall of sophomore year, renewed and refreshed, I was ready to show everyone how much I had improved. After the first tournament of the semester when I placed in informative speech, it was evident to everyone that I was a force to be reckoned with when committed and focused.

In many ways, I still apply the lessons I learned from that tournament to everything that I do today. Although it was a disheartening experience, I gained immensely from it. I learned a great deal about myself, about what I could take and about the beauty of struggle. In the end, thanks to Nate and Bree, it was the experience that defined and continues to inspire my sojourn through college. While it was initially negative, I’ve come to focus on the positive aspects of the failure. In doing so, I have been able to take the lessons that the event was designed to teach me and work with all the potential within me. As a result, I’ve progressed through my major in communication with pride and purpose. I never simply take a class to take it. I take a class to learn, to grow, and to improve. Sometimes the odds are against me, especially when I don’t know what to expect. Even so, every experience has been a lesson to be learned, and I know I’ve learned a lot in my four years at college. I’ve also learned that I want to continue with the struggle, I want to continue to learn and “go beyond.”⁴ I’m going to continue to graduate school and pursue my doctorate in communication.

As I look ahead, far from where I stand today, I anticipate a great deal of struggle. I’m not sure where I’ll be five years from now. Assuming that I follow my dream of becoming a professor, I’ll probably be graduating from a prestigious communication program with the hope of inculcating students in the realm of communication. I’m assuming that I’ll have my own place, probably a loft, where my floor will be my biggest shelf. I’ll have at least three bookcases by then, having saved every book since sophomore year. My furniture will probably originate from the local thrift store, Target, and/or Wal-Mart. I’ll be a graduate assistant, after all.

Personally, I don’t think too much will have changed, but since I’m constantly changing, I’m sure I’m overlooking something in the future that has yet to happen to me.⁵ I know that I’ll still be focused on improving myself, always looking for the light in the darkest time. I’ll have the positive enthusiasm invested in me since my undergraduate experience, but I’ll be on the verge of experiencing the daunting task of obtaining tenure and conducting research. A task, I’ve heard, not easily accomplished. Even so, I plan to continue pushing myself, striving to do better in all that I do because of everything that I’ll have learned up to that point in my life.


_{1: The late nights of studying, caffeine-induced insomnia, and drinking were, somehow, overlooked in the college brochure.
2: In other words, everything was to be taken literal.
3: Of course, on the team we reiterate a statement that contends otherwise: “How do we spell FUN? W-I-N.” We’re truly goal-oriented people.
4: I’m not a masochist, just an erudite student with ambition. I guess that could be the same thing, though.
5: Quite the conundrum, really.}

Is it possible for yet another sequel? Dreamworks apparently thinks so. I checked the trailer and it seems humorous enough. I love Shrek, so I am hoping for the best.

I couldn't agree more, especially since I got my new MacBook Pro.



And hey, HappySlip is beautiful too! ;)

The first week of my last semester concluded with ease. I'm glad to report that this semester is promising, and not just because graduation is the light at the end of the tunnel. This semester is promising because I enjoy my courses and I'm looking forward to what's ahead.

In addition to the positive outlook I have regarding this semester, I recently got a potential job offer. Hopefully it works out. If it does, it's amazing what a good reference can do. It's even more intriguing if I get it because I barely even know the person that referred me. Maybe it is the initiative behind it all.

In the meantime, I am taking it one day at a time. I have a lot to take care of in a short period of time in the process of applying to grad school, but I'm not worried. I think I've planned everything out well, and I'm confident that things will work out for the best.

It's official. I now own a Mac. I never thought I would buy one, but now that I'm starting to get the hang of it I'm wondering why I didn't buy one sooner.

I invested in a MacBook Pro because I needed something reliable and dependable to use as I transition into grad school. So far I'm totally impressed. It runs well and it is easy to use. Almost everything about it has been easy to pick up after a little playing around.

As an added bonus, everything looks cooler on a Mac. My website fsck'n rocks and I'm in awe of the graphics that this Mac can produce. It's awesome and that's all there is to it.

I can't wait to do even more with my Mac!!

I'm ready to return home for the last semester of my undergraduate experience. It is always hard to leave home, but it's even harder to leave this time around. There's no apprehension nor hesitation, though. Break was excellent. It was everything that I needed it to be. Being with my family and having time to relax allowed me to refocus and return prepared to take on the next five months.

Still, I'm sad to say goodbye. Germany and Europe are, in a funny way, home to me more than anywhere else in the world. Leaving them and potentially not returning anytime soon makes my heart sink. I've enjoyed my time, but I always wish I had more of it. At least my time was best spent with family.

Now it's off to Idaho and back to school. This semester is going to be eventful and I plan to relish and revel in every moment of it (even the bad). Here's to the beginning of the end and a positive outlook through and through.

I'm not sure if you're aware of the enormous issue at hand in our society today, mostly because our media fail to report stories regarding monumental changes to the telecommunication infrastructures (i.e. The Telecommunications Act of 1996). However, I urge you to invest some of your time in reading about the potential future of the Internet, the potential future of your voice and mine.

This is no joke. Congress is currently being lobbied by large communication conglomerates AT&T, Verizon, Comcast, and BellSouth to allow for comprehensive telecommunication reform. They want to change the Internet as we know it, and they don't want you to be in on it. (In fact, they've been working on Congress and the FCC since 2002).

They want to turn the Internet into a "diversified" network. What they mean, simply, is that they want to tier the Internet and charge content providers for using "their pipes." If a content provider can't pay up, then their site will be cast to the side in the slow lane. Thus, network owners will become the ultimate decision makers for the content that is streamlined to you and the content that is not. It's contrary to how it operates right now where you, the consumer, decide what you want to see.

To add insult to injury, telephone and cable companies have set up special interest groups to confuse the populace on the issue. The groups espouse numerous claims. In particular they claim that:

• Net Neutrality is bad for consumers.
  
• Net Neutrality will cost consumers more.
  
• Silicon valley tech companies are behind the problem.
  
• Getting rid of Net Neutrality will increase innovation.
  
• Getting rid of Net Neutrality will not degrade Internet content.
  

The list goes on, but the truth remains obscured behind their rhetoric. They want to confuse you. They want you to stay out of the action. They want you to let their money decide the fate of the Internet, of your voice and mine.

We cannot let them do this. We cannot let them take away our only true democratic medium in American society. We must not support comprehensive telecommunication legislation. We must fight this.

Don't believe the lies. Fight for the Internet. Fight to protect our networks from those who claim them as their own. Fight to allow the continuation of our most powerful medium to remain in our hands. Fight for choice. Fight for your voice.


For more information check out the following websites:

• Google's Information Resource on Net Neutrality
  
• Save The Internet, the leading grassroots organization urging for Net Neutrality
  
• It's Our Net, a coalition of companies including Google, Amazon.com, Adobe, Yahoo!, and Skype.
  

While doing some light reading the other night, I stumbled on this website, DNA 11, that produces artwork out of your DNA and fingerprints. It's worth checking out.

As break draws to a close, I'm getting things in order for my final semester. I've purchased my books. I've paid my fees. I've applied to a few graduate programs and I'll be applying to a couple more out of curiosity. I'm about to purchase a new laptop. I'm also looking into purchasing a sexy new suit to schmooze and seduce the ladies in.

Things are on the right track and I'm ready to rock this semester out.

I'm looking forward to almost everything this semester has to bring. It's not so much about the conclusion as it is the culmination leading to the closure. Between courses, tournaments, presentations and recreation, I'm excited about the possibilities this semester has in store.

Rain or shine, I'm ready. I've weathered some of the toughest storms. I've gotten sunburned. I've been down and out, but I'm not broken. I'm ready, and that's all that matters.

My month long sabbatical is over. The lengthy hiatus from posting my thoughts and documenting potions of history in my life has ended. I'm back, and I'm feeling better for being away.

In one month's time I've been able to recuperate.¹ I feel more rested and relaxed.² I'm in a good place with the best of company; my family. And it is a new year; a time to start anew.

I have no resolutions; no limitations nor expectations. I'm keeping it simple.

Starting now I'm starting over.


_{1: Especially since I drank German beer almost every night!
2: And not because I had the aid of a herbal supplement!}