Monday, September 24, 2007

This weekend I tried to find solace in the chaos of my current situation.

Graduate school has gotten slightly better, but I still question my place here. It is hard to describe exactly what I am feeling. In a strange way, I don't think I can properly put words to my feelings that would explain what "it" is like. I feel out of place, but I know I belong. I do not understand the material, then I grasp it days later. I feel dumb, though I know I am smart. I feel like a fraud, and question if I am.

It is a series of contradictions, constructed entirely in the atmosphere of my mind. The uncertainty coalesces in my mind. It weighs heavy in my thoughts and actions. It ensnares me.

I know that I am not the only graduate student that feels this way. I know I am one of many who is currently struggling with this feeling. I know others who have been through this.

I know this is a phase. I know this will pass in due time.

I know I will get through this.

Though the struggle is painful, I need to remind myself, time and time again, that this is another mountain among countless mountains. I will continue to struggle. I will continue to fight. I will come out on top of this. I will survive this.

I will be better for all my struggles.


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