Monday, April 09, 2007

I've reached the cornerstone of my undergraduate experiences at college. Later this week I will defend my thesis in front of my professors, colleagues, and friends. It's been an extensive road to trek upon, especially when you take into account my numerous setbacks, stumbles, apprehensions, and anxieties about making it to this point. Yeah, that includes everything over the last four years (of which, my blog certainly can attest to).

Even so, I've made it to this point. I'm almost done with this year and with my undergraduate degree. I'm edging it out to the end and aiming for the highest marks I can possibly obtain in my final hours. It's all ahead of me, but soon enough it will all be behind me. Ah, nostalgia!

What perplexes me the most at this time, though, is not where I am nor where I will be, but rather who I am. If I am a composite of everything I have experienced (and I believe I am), then I am greater than most things I have faced. If I am composed of all these accomplishments and improvements, then I can go beyond where I currently am at any point in time and be the person I am. I know I doubt myself from time to time, but mostly because, in my solitude and self, I am itinerant. I am still malleable, moldable, still in motion. I'm still figuring out who I am, and I am certain that I will continue to until my dying day.

Yet, as I look back, I know I have grown, but I feel that I have mountains upon mountains to climb before I am adult enough. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of something new once again, but I'm afraid of what may come and what may become of me. I know I should not fear it. I revel in the growth engendered by change in my life. I feel strengthened by overcoming obstacles, setbacks, and misfortunes. I feel better in transition than in stagnation. I feel more alive. More human. More me.

Though I tread the road ahead with cautious uncertainty, I feel comforted by the wealth of experience, knowledge, and potential held within. I feel the threads of fate pulling me forward, pushing me every which way; though I see not what lies ahead of me. Increasingly, I feel ready to move, to be and to become. Though the ground ahead may give way, and though I may falter from time to time, my belief in myself will not fade nor flag. I will be because I believe.


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