Better By Nightfall

Today was a tough day. There's no doubt about that in my mind. However, it wasn't tough for me alone. It was tough for my newest place of employment. For my supervisors who made an investment in me. For the people I trained with over the summer. Perhaps even for my close friends who helped me get the job.

I submitted my resignation earlier the afternoon and within minutes I got a call from one of my supervisors wanting to discuss it. I am certain that it must have shocked them immensely. Since I started work there I have been very diligent and enthused in the workplace. In fact, I gave no intention of quitting though I knew that it might be a possibility with all the work-related complications occurring at this particular venture. On one hand I remained diligent and enthused because that's how I am at most jobs. I know I'm a good worker. After all, I didn't originally intend to quit this job so soon. My intentions were to continue it at least until next year in May when I would graduate. However, when these complications arose, I kept them in the back of my mind hoping and partially believing that I could balance both jobs through the summer. One the other hand, I thought my particular demeanor was best anyway. If I had expressed any uncertainties or mixed feelings around the people at work it would've been too easily misinterpreted. They could've thought I didn't like someone or something and that could've caused unnecessary problems.

As unfortunate as it is to submit a resignation letter, though, I know it was best for me. After re-evaluating the situation, the requirements, and the complications, I know that I wouldn't do this any other way (unless, of course, I could've gone back in time with this knowledge in advance and solved it all before it became an issue! Oh damn you hindsight!! DAMN YOU!). Regardless, this happened as it did for whatever reason and I am doing what I know to be best for me. I'm taking a hit in salary, but I'm saving myself scholastically. And that's what I'm here for first and foremost: education. School before work. It's tough, but that's the way it is.

It was a tough decision and it was hard for me to write such a letter, but it needed to be done. Although I'm still apprehensive about the coming day(s) on the job, I'm going to do my best to maintain my demeanor. In such a situation I think it's the least I can do.

In the end, I must add, I learned something from all these "cataclysmic" events. I learned that, while it may be tough, you have to do what's best for you. That's what I did. Not freaking out over the summer is the best thing for me, especially since I have much to study, accomplish, and attain. I also learned that it's ok, albeit not the best thing to do, to resign when things don't feel right. Of course, it probably would've been better to say something to my supervisor ahead of time, but that could've been problematic as well. In truth, there really is no way of knowing how such information would've gone over if I had mentioned it beforehand. For my own future reference (and perhaps for anyone who reads this), I think it's best to assess each situation like this on a case by case basis. Some events require immediate disclosure while others do not.

If nothing else, I at least learned how to handle myself with a real resignation. Now all I have to do is wait for the rest of the news as the pieces slowly unravel and fall into place.