Monday, April 25, 2005

Last night, while talking to Lacey, I was reminded that I think ahead a lot. While we were discussing various aspects of this year and wondering about the things that might happen next year, I realized that I've spent a great deal of this year thinking about what will happen next instead of what is happening now. As of late, I've been thinking about what I'm going to do for an apartment next year, how hard or easy will it be to hangout with friends next year, how classes are going to be, how it's going to be different with no one around, et cetera. And all the while I have things to be focusing on like my Death List Five, getting my stuff ready for pick-up, final projects, and finals.

Things that are immediate or soon just seem lack-luster in my mind. I guess I feel that they're soon to be done so they don't require expansive thought, they just require me to be there and get them done. Things that will or could happen, though, are of more interest to me. Perhaps it's the longer for something else, something better, or maybe it's just curiosity. I'm not sure. I think it's a kind of escapism mechanism--being able to see something better on the horizon even if it's not there when I get to that point.

The distortion kind of worries me now though. I'm not sure of what will appear on the horizon as I near the point I keep looking ahead to. And maybe I'm not supposed to, but, at least, some things would feel assuring if I knew where they were at that point before I got to it.


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