Better By Nightfall

The Juliana Theory
If I Told You This Was Killing Me, Would You Stop?
from EMOTION IS DEAD

Watch your mouth. Hold your tongue boy.
Because you're running out of breath,
running out of time before every careless word that you utter,
renders you utterly useless.
Now you're drowning in your own saliva
Trying to spit yourself to the top of your empty world
Keep on talking, just keep on rambling, You've got your mouth full.

Listen here's the pleasant part:
you and I, we fell apart
Listen here's the pleasant part:
you and I, we fell apart

Why can't you make up your mind? (Make up your mind)
Why can't you make up your mind? (Make up your mind)

Shut your mouth, burn your bridges
Throw your words like an attack and stab me in the-
Wait a second. Wait a second. What's that I just heard?
Never mind it's obviously worthless.
Now you're standing on your soapbox, yelling from the rooftops (rooftops)
Everything you say is a lie..a lie..a lie..lie....lie...yeah

Listen, here's the clever one
who speaks before his thoughts are done.
Listen, here's the clever one
who speaks before his thoughts are done.

Why can't you make up your mind?
Why can't you make up your mind?

Watch your mouth. Hold your tongue
Some things are better left unsaid.
Now I hope you're pleased.
You let your pride stand tall
It danced within your words.
Right before your fall.
Right before you.......fall..

Why don't you
Why don't you say that to my face?
I've had ripped down, torn down so many things
Every thing you, every time you,
Every word you say
If I told you this was killing me, would you,
Would you stop?

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Too crazy to even understand and take account of it all. Little things mean big things, and they're starting the take away from everything else bit by bit. I'm having a hard time, but I'm getting by. I know that this is just another experience I have yet to get through.

Lately it's been tough though. It's like walking in a minefield, and it's starting to feel like a game. A game among many games. Games I don't like to play, but seem to have gotten swept into.

Two days ago. Yesterday. Today. Even tonight. Tonight. There are so many things I could say of what happened when I stormed out of the apartment a few hours ago only to return after draining a quarter-tank of gas and walking around alone, but it's not the same. The situation isn't the same in reflection.

I was alone. Alone. I had my keys, I had me. There was anywhere but here that I wanted to be. I left. I don't even know where I drove for the first thirty minutes. My mind picked a direction, my foot to the pedal followed.

The road was nearly empty. The wind roared as I sped down the street without a care. I wasn't thinking. I wanted to be clear. I lost focus on everything but the lines repeating along my path. And street lights for miles until darkness enclosed me, dimly illuminated by my barrel vision and headlights. Dark sky. No one passing me by. The numbers increased; motion was smooth, and the engine booming.

Time passed. I passed. Moved away from here. And began to think because clear was never really clear. Action and inaction. Reaction. Games. Meaningless. Games. Meaningless.

And I remembered what some had said. Thought on it. Sink to think about it. Let it flare. Let it die there.

After a turn, I let it go. I watched the lights going in the other direction. Watched them fade away. Saw the road. Empty. Cold. Alone. Moved upon. Gone.

I must have been on the road for at least an hour and a half. I only checked to see how much gas was guzzled before I locked the door. I hesitated to return. I looked around, realizing I wouldn't see much more of this. Realizations and reflections.

I returned. Quiet. Dark. Opened the doors. Heard my footsteps as I walked in my room. Closed the doors. Alone.

I'm so tired of being here,
of these tidal waves that do not subside;
but when it's all over I'll come back for another year.

The time dwindles as I know the end is near,
and I'm telling myself not to give up, to know I've tried;
I'm so tired of being here.

Until then I'm waiting for everything to clear,
watching, immersed, as the waves collide.
But when it's all over I'll come back for another year.

But what remains, if any, is what I fear-
for things have changed, things have died.
I'm so tired of being here.

It's the things I see and pretend not to hear,
realizing that the waves have put me outside;
but when it's all over I'll come back for another year.

Now as I leave I can't help but think the damage is more severe,
seeing what came in with each tide...
I'm so tired of being here,
but when it's all over I'll come back for another year.


My attempt at a Villanelle. I haven't been in the swing of poetry for a while, but figured I could get back into it.

Professor: "What is this for?" (Looks at an orange rose that a student has presented to her)
Ditzy Student: "It's for you, so I can pass this class." (Hands her the rose)
(The class laughs in a riot, except for myself, Darlee, and some others. The Professor doesn't laugh, but has a smirk of confusion and cynicism on her face.)
Professor: "Right. Well, I'll put this here. (Places flower on an empty desk next to the Ditzy Student) It's not for passing Calculus, I'm afraid."
Ditzy Student: "Oh."


Professor: "So this is how you compute the indefinite function."
Ditzy Student: "Uh! I don't understand how you got v(dv)=dx. Can you explain that to me?"
Professor: "Right. So, (scribbles on board) it's simple algebra."
Ditzy Student: "I still don't get it."
Me: (Scribbles algebra of cross-multiplying on paper and shows it to Ditzy Student) "This IS how you get that."
Ditzy Student: "Oh," she giggles, "I get it now. That's good because I'll need to know this for when I become a senator!"
Darlee and Me: (Both laugh a light "Heh, yeah right" subtly and silently, then look at each other knowing that they're thinking the same thing.)

Thank God it's almost over! Whew!

Blue says:
i just swore off clothing and am going to live like adam and eve
Blue says:
grrr
Blue says:
i hate laundry
Blue says:
ONLY in my world can a single bra get wrapped around 5 read it FIVE articles of clothing....
Blue says:
not that you wanted to know or anything...

I was kind of bored earlier today, so I took some random snaps with my webcam.









I just wanted to mess with this photo "Sin City" Grey-scale style. I obviously don't have blue eyes, but I thought it looked kind of kewl.


I did the same thing on this photo too, only I made sure it was my original eye color.


This is "Sin City" silhouette style. I tried to make it similar to Elijah's crazy emo-kid character.

Yeah, I've been lazy. Har har! I have two papers to write, and I've started both of them, but I'm not done with them yet. Better get back to them.

The image direct linked to its creator d0ub7 at deviantart.com

Let Go
Frou Frou
from Details

Drink up baby doll
Mmm, are you in or are you out
Leave your things behind
'Cuz it's all going on without you
'Scuze me, too busy
You're writing your tragedy
These mishaps, your bubble wrap, when
You've no idea what you're like...

(So let go)
So let go
Mmm, jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It's alright
'Cuz there's beauty
In the breakdown
(So let go)
Yeah, let go
Just get in
Oh it's so amazing here
It's alright
'Cuz there's beauty
In the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a side show
Such boundless, pleasures
We've no time for later now, you
Can't await, your own arrival you've
Twenty seconds to comply

(So let go)
So let go
Jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It's alright
'Cuz there's beauty
In the breakdown
(So let go)
Yeah let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's alright
'Cuz there's beauty
In the breakdown

So let go
Mmm, jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It's alright
'Cuz there's beauty
In the breakdown
(So let go)
Yeah let go
Just get in
Oh it's so amazing here
It's alright
'Cuz there's beauty
In the breakdown

In the breakdown....
'Cuz there's beauty in the breakdown
The breakdown....
So amazing here....
'Cuz there's beauty in the breakdown

I don't know why, but I've been playing this song over and over again. Maybe it's because I want this semester to end so I can let go, or maybe it's because I'm worried about things I shouldn't even care about because they're a waste of my energy. I'm not sure.

So let go, let go...

I have a blasphemous confession to make: coffee is how I know God exists. Flavorful, special coffees. Specifically Starbucks' coffees, but some others do suffice. Rich, smooth, or bold. Whipped cream, iced or hot, fully caffeinated.

The price is right for a taste of heaven.

When I order my venti toffee nut latte with a shot of extacy and cocaine, I can hear the choir of angels sing. They raise in tune with each passing moment, waiting to explode in a grand crescendo as the beverage reaches my hands and touches my lips. The aroma and taste swim together, tantalizing my senses. I sip calmly at first, savoring each moment in my paradise. My body feels alive in this moment, more so than any other time. My mind moves, awakened. I feel I can continue on with any task at hand. Until I realize, with a bitter shock, that with each degustation my piece of heaven is vanishing.

And eventually it is gone.

In its aftermath it leaves me feeling what I felt while drinking it, but only for so long. With it, I am able to move on in time, to survive another daunting class or task. And I know I'll get through the day when all is said and done.

It will call to me again from time to time. Beckoning me to return to bliss, but I'll resist. I'll hold out until a time of most desperate need. An overnighter. A last-mintue paper. A quick-pick me up in the morning. My lunch one hectic afternoon. I'll struggle, but I'll survive. For when I drink it again, I'll feel and know what it is to be alive.

Last night, while talking to Lacey, I was reminded that I think ahead a lot. While we were discussing various aspects of this year and wondering about the things that might happen next year, I realized that I've spent a great deal of this year thinking about what will happen next instead of what is happening now. As of late, I've been thinking about what I'm going to do for an apartment next year, how hard or easy will it be to hangout with friends next year, how classes are going to be, how it's going to be different with no one around, et cetera. And all the while I have things to be focusing on like my Death List Five, getting my stuff ready for pick-up, final projects, and finals.

Things that are immediate or soon just seem lack-luster in my mind. I guess I feel that they're soon to be done so they don't require expansive thought, they just require me to be there and get them done. Things that will or could happen, though, are of more interest to me. Perhaps it's the longer for something else, something better, or maybe it's just curiosity. I'm not sure. I think it's a kind of escapism mechanism--being able to see something better on the horizon even if it's not there when I get to that point.

The distortion kind of worries me now though. I'm not sure of what will appear on the horizon as I near the point I keep looking ahead to. And maybe I'm not supposed to, but, at least, some things would feel assuring if I knew where they were at that point before I got to it.

Chace says:
ya know what i love about laptops
Thister says:
What?
Chace says:
the fact that I could be pooping right now and you would have NO idea
Chace says:
am i? am I not? YOU DONT KNOW!
Thister says:
LMAO!
Thister says:
Ha!
Thister says:
That's the shit, literally!
Chace says:
oh, yes it is...
Chace says:
and for clarification purposes, I AM

Chace says:
haha jk. or am I?
Thister says:
Haha! Knowing you, you probably are.
Chace says:
hahahahah

Firefox!
I love Firefox. I love Firefox. I LOVE IT. LOVE. IT. If you don't have Firefox, you should get it.

I've been doing my research paper for Japanese Culture class and it's been an amazing help for me. Thank God for the tab feature and simple bookmark design.

GET IT NOW!

The douche bags across the hall or whoever it was that made the hallway smell like garbage and ass!

What the fuck did you do?

Today is Earth Day, are you caring for your Earth?

Related News:
Earth Day at 35: Is it still relevant?

Professor: "Ok, so now we know the fallacy of questionable authority, right. Now let's use a current example. Dr. Laura Slchlessinger is a doctor. So she's qualified in whatever her doctorates is in, right? What's her expertise?"

Random student: "Being a big bitch!"

Professor: "Well, besides that..."

I've been listening to "Holiday From Real" and "Kill The Messenger" by Jack's Mannequin an awful lot lately.

Also, I need to buy creamer for my imitation coffee. It tastes nasty without it. Skeet, skeet.

I had the weirdest dream last night. It started with me going to swimming class and talking to some people in their when it was all done. When I left, I headed down the quad and saw Lacey and she said that we were on trial for something. I later found out that it was because she was making masks that some people thought were offensive. The people from my swimming class showed up at the trial and some of them were even witnesses, saying that they saw her making the masks with a malicious intent. Then a girl I knew from the 5th grade appeared in my dream too and started talking about how masks were evil. Then Stephanie and Lindsey, Lacey's good friends, showed up in the court room laughing at how dumb the whole thing was. So, I actually wasn't on trial, but Lacey was. They didn't deliver a verdict though, they said that they needed more time...and then I woke up.

So, uhm, yeah. I'm not sure how this dream came about exactly. Barton has been making masks for everyone lately, but Lacey and I have never made masks. I haven't had swimming class for a semester, but I did go swimming last Friday. I talked about the girl from my 5th grade class with Lacey a few nights ago.

It's probably a mixture of all of these things coming together since I haven't actually gotten real deep sleep until last night. Ha!

(List subject to expansion)

1. Fix the archives for this blog
   
2. Write term paper for Culture Class
   
3. Write paper for Japanese Class
   
4. Write Evaluation paper for being a TA
   
5. Make a new template
   

This is not going to be a fun weekend because of 2-4.

This image directly linked to it's creator, roy204, at deviantart.com
I've been feeling incredibly impulsive lately; if not in action, then in mind. I've had the urge to just get in my car, fill up the tank and drive to nowhere in particular. To get away? To escape? I don't know.

I just feel like I don't want to be here right now. It's similar to what I felt at the beginning of the year when I didn't want to be here next year, but it's more compact. It's like I just want to drop everything as it is right now and run free without anything else on my mind.

I'm not sure what is or why I feel this way right now. It just hit me, like a strange calling. I know, rationally, now would not be a good time to be so impulsive. I have papers to write, places to be, things to do. The usual ties of a college student. But, perhaps, it is because I have these ties that I want to cut them and just do something so completely not me? Perhaps.

Who would tag along with me to go and see Jack's Mannequin on tour?

There are only 24 more days of dealing with this apartment and all the irritating things that seem to follow it.

I will be free of most of this irritation next year, hopefully, whether I'm living alone or with my brother.

I have summer to relax and reflect on this year.

Things will change, for better or worse, next year.

Not all your expectations, even if they are simple, will be met because no one is exactly like you.

I'm kind of tired of classes right now. I'm caught up to where I should be, but I feel like I have a tidal wave of homework coming my way right before finals. I have a term paper in Culture Class, an individual presentation in Japanese (which is lame), a group presentation in Culture Class, extra credit homework in Calculus.

Sure, it doesn't sound like a lot, especially to a college senior who has been writing paper after paper *cough*Lacey*cough*. It's just that I've started to hit the wave of assignments and I'm not happy. AT. ALL.

*sigh* I just want to break on down, but I can't stop now.

Breakdown
Jack Johnson
from In Between Dreams

I hope this old train breaks down
Then I could take a walk around
See what there is to see
Time is just a melody
With all the people in the streets
Walking as fast as their feet can take them
I just roll through town
And though my window's got a view
Well the frame I'm looking through
Seems to have no concern for now so for now I

I need this here old train to breakdown
Oh please just let me please breakdown

Well, this engine screams out loud
Centipede gonna crawl westbound
So I don't even make a sound
Because it's gonna sting me when I leave this town
And all the people in the streets
That I'll never get to meet
If these tracks don't bend somehow
And I got no time that I got to get
To where I don't need to be so I

I need this here old train to breakdown
Oh, please just let me please breakdown
I need this here old train to breakdown
Oh, please just let me please breakdown

I want to break on down
But I can't stop now
Let me break on down

But you can't stop nothing if you got no control
Of the thought in your mind that you kept and you know
That you don't know nothing but you don't need to know
The wisdom's in the trees not the glass windows
You can't stop wishing if you don't let go
Of the things that you find and you lose and you know
You keep on rolling, put the moment on hold
Because the frame's too bright, so put the blinds down low

I need this here old train to breakdown
Oh, please just let me please breakdown
I need this here old train to breakdown
Oh, please just let me please breakdown

I got to break on down
But I can't stop now

Remember that Calculus test I got a case of IBS for? Yeah, well, I got a 9 out of 30 points on it.

There is still hope for an A, but it's very very dim.

Today in Japanese we went over transitive and intransitive verbs. I find it amusing how the book tries to make it seem so difficult and daunting to get a grasp on what the main difference is between the two. Perhaps knowing English fairly well like I do, I didn't find it as difficult as others may have.

It was amsuing mainly because the book listed off roughly 50 verbs and said that the ones in Column A were transitive and the ones in Column B were intransitive. And they didn't say why they were that way. Needless to say, some people were confused. I guess English is by far the hardest language to learn, especially when we apply our grammatical structures to other languages as a means to understand them.

In case you're wondering what the difference is between the two types of verbs, transitive means that it requires a direct object. It requires someone or something to act for it. Intransitive means that it does the action on its own.

An Example:

私は砂の城を建てました。
Watashi wa suna no shiro o tatemashita.
I built a sand castle. (Transitive)

砂の城は建ちました。
Suna no shiro wa tachimashita.
A sand castle was built. (Intransitive)

In Japanese, the particle "wo" or, more commonly, "o" marks a direct object. In English, we don't have a paticle to mark direct objects. So, in the first sentence, "suna no shiro" is the direct object because the "o" follows it. It is what is being acted upon, or in the case of this sentence, it is what is being built.

There's your Japanese lesson for the day.

Galt's talk to the roommates was put on hold yesterday due to various reasons. While I was doing homework and studying for a test, Barton never cared to actually talk to me about the message I left on the board. I'm not sure why he always avoids conversation with me when I write a message on the white board. He goes off and talks to Bunya and Lacey, I'm sure, but never talks to me.

It's making me wonder, since I know Bunya doesn't like me, if he told Bunya something that I didn't intend from something I wrote on there since he's lived with us. I'm not entirely sure why Bunya doesn't like me, but I'm starting to suspect that Barton played a larger role in that than I may have originally thought.

Of course, it's only speculation. And, quite frankly, it's a horribly asinine situation that has become of this apartment over the last two months. It's just that if Barton did play a larger role in the situation than originally thought, I want to know why. Was there something I did to piss him off? Does he just want Bunya to be his friend? Is there something I'm missing?

I don't know. I really wish that living with other people would have worked out better this year. I look at the apartment through these semesters and in many ways I wish Brad still lived with us. We might have had our problems with him, but he was better than Bunya because he talked to us, hung out with everyone, and was fun to be around.

I'm sure we'll have our talk soon, even if Bunya isn't there because he doesn't like me. I just hope that, if it is happening, my words aren't twisted by the interpreter like it appears they have been.

God: Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch, like a safecracker or a pickpocket.

Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money.

God: Yes, if he makes it look like an electrical thing. If you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

I've uploaded a few pictures on my flickr page from the National tournament. Check them out!

More to come soon!

I wrote an e-mail in reply to my former teacher from 11th grade (yes, I still keep in touch with her). I realized it was long, but not two whole pages long.

Recently in Calculus I we went over "Newton's Method", which, for those of you are as familiar with it as I am, is used for approximation in functions. At least, that's what I think it's used for. I'm not really sure. Needless to say, I'm kind of lost on this homework assignment even though there isn't that much to do this time (for once). It's just difficult because Newton's Method is complicated. I don't remember being introduced to it back in high school or in Survey of Calculus last year.

Can there ever be a math assignment that takes less than six hours? Please God, please.

Post-Script: Ok, so Newton's Method isn't that bad. I just have problems with tangent equations.


Post-Post-Script: Apparently there can be such an assingment when there are only 11 problems and it's really not as hard as you thought it was.

It's time to talk to the looters of this apartment.

I have the weirdest sleeping schedule again and, while it's not bothering me too much, it is something I need to get it fixed before finals week. God, I can't imagine staying up past 4 a.m. during that week. That would seriously be the death of me. Ok, probably not, but still.

Check this out in satellite mode!

Rabid Panda: yay FMA =D
Thister: Yeah. LOL! Are the voice-subs better?
Rabid Panda: I <3 everyone in it XD
Rabid Panda: omg nothing can beat the Japanese voices
Thister: Seriously?
Rabid Panda: especially for Ed, Al, and Roy
Thister: Hmm.
Rabid Panda: I am sooo serious
Thister: I'll download a Japanese episode then.
Rabid Panda: Jeff and I about had seizures when we heard the ENglish version
Thister: LOL! It must be true.
Thister: You two know your anime!
Rabid Panda: lol
Rabid Panda: Japanese voice actresses make the best adolescent guy noises XD ... wait, that sounded wrong
Thister: LMAO!
Rabid Panda: you know what I mean XD
Thister: HAHAH! That's funny!
Rabid Panda: angsty noises
Rabid Panda: errr
Rabid Panda: nevermind

---

Veneliza, you rock! I'm downloading a Japanese episode right now and I'll give you my review of it soon enough :)

Give it up, give it up
Don't fall the same things
Give it up, give it up
Don't fall for mistakes that I've made
Don't turn away...
Give It Up--Midtown

No, I wasn't shitting you about the IBS, but that's beside the point. I don't think I did well on my Calculus test. In fact, I think I bombed it.

It wasn't that it was hard or that I didn't know what I was doing, because it wasn't hard and I did know what I was doing. It's that it was weird. The first problem was similar to what she noted on the board in review, but it differed a lot more than I expected it too. So much so that I ended up having a hard time finding the roots of the equation, only to find that the first part of the equation had imaginary roots which meant that it couldn't be a real function. Since I couldn't do the first problem well, which was required in order to get the second, I'm sure I bombed 2/3's of the test. As for the third problem, well, it's probably my only saving grace if I did it right. Give it up. If not, I might as well kiss that "A" I wanted way the fuck goodbye because there is no way in hell I can ever get it back if I bombed this. Give it up.

I need to let it go, give it up. It's not anything to worry about really anyway. It's just that I wanted an "A" in Calculus if I could get it, because I knew I could get it if I studied and gave it my all. Give it up. Funny how that desire is looking very much so unattainable now. Give it up.

To add to it, I feel like other things I want are just as unattainable. Give it up. We nominated officers for debate today and I was nominated for a position, but I'm starting to think it'd be better to let it go. What's the point of trying for something when you know you won't get it? Give it up. I probably have a good chance, but if it is like it was last year at this time, I might as well give it up.

It's important to me, but it's not worth it to get my hopes up only to have them crushed. That's what happened last year. Give it up. That's what will happen this time around given the situation at hand.

And all the while it leaves me questioning if I want to even be part of it at all. It's so ridiculous. Give it up. It's a game. It's a power struggle. Pitted between friends and teammates. It's not worth it. Give it up.

Give it up, give it up
Don't fall for the same things...

Couldn't have said it better.

I'm not even shitting you, pun intended.

I'm freaking out about my Calculus test so much that I'm have problems in the john. Not that you really wanted to know, but eh, you can use it as a funny anecdote or blackmail. Of course, since the world will know this story now, it won't work much for blackmail.

Holy shit! I need to relax. The test is in 20 minutes. I can do it. I can do it.

Can I?

I've been watching Headline News for the last hour, and as soon as the "Amber Alert" story came on that's all that's been on. It's been roughly 30 minutes since this story started, and they keep focusing on it without any mention to what else is going on in the world. Honestly, I'm sorry that that family has to worry about their kid, but there are other important things going on like, oh, I don't know the genocide of thousands of Sudanese.

Gah! I can't stand the media.

Just a quick poll to see if people even want me to post pictures from National's even though it was three weeks ago?

Post a comment.

I plan on using my webspace to have a photo page, about page, and various other cool add-ons to a personal blog.

Updates coming soon!

It's official, my blog has moved from blogger.com to my own webspace. You should automatically be redirected to the site, if not click the link below to get there.

http://blog.thister.com

Over the next couple of days you will notice that this blog will be changing addresses to an easier location to type, among other things. I'm not transferring because I dislike blogger, but rather, because I have 3 GB of space on my website that I'm not even touching right now. As such, this transfer will allow me to use my webpage more and make something constructive out of it since I paid lots of money for it.

I'll be keeping you posted ;)

I'm working on getting my blog transferred over to my official website. So far I haven't been able to get that to work just yet, but I'll let you know when I get it done.

I'm seeking the help of my website service provider and friends like Veneliza who know <HTML> and are crazy good with CPanel.

I pick classes on Thursday and so far I don't have any real idea what I'm going to take. It's a good thing I finally have an advisor!

I'll keep you posted.

I would hate to invite you over to my apartment, really I would. You have no idea how dirty it is right now. The common areas look like shit, and my room looks like a cyclone stormed through here.

Dishes are usually piled in the sink past the brim. All the pots are usually in the sink too, so you usually have to wash them before you can use them. The counters have stains all over them from soups and beverages. We're lucky there isn't any mold.

The stove has gotten increasingly disgusting. There are sauce stains, drippings, and bits of food scattered around it's former white surface, so much so, in fact, that there's probably enough dirty food on there for a rat to live on.

The floor has thousands of dust bunnies under the table and around the edges where the drawers meet the floor. There's even bits of food that have long since dried for the bunnies to feast on. And sometimes, when you open the front door, you can see them scurry across the floor into a corner.

So, you're probably wondering why I'm not cleaning the kitchen? Well, that's just it. I used to clean the counters and stove every week, but I stopped cleaning them when I realized that no one else was. I stopped mopping and vacuuming too. Lacey continued cleaning the kitchen after I had given up for about two weeks until she too realized that it was a losing battle. Ever since then, it has gotten cleaned once by Bunya while we were away at Nationals and that is it.

And it is disgusting, but I'm living with it.

The whole point of not cleaning the kitchen was to make Barton and Bunya clean it, but they obviously don't care or don't notice that there is a problem. Even though they've been confronted that there is a problem with the common spaces, nothing has been done. Furthermore, when they clean they think that cleaning just the stove-top is enough, but it's obviously not.

I just wish they'd do their part to help out around the apartment, but alas, it doesn't matter too much anymore. This semester ends in 37 days, and when it does I don't have to be around this dirtiness anymore.

I got my phone bill today and was shocked at the news. I had no idea that my cell phone bill totaled $129 in long-distance charges this billing cycle, leading to a total phone bill at $204.

Yeah, holy shit, huh?

So, for those of you that I call, here's what it means:

• I will not take any calls from out of state on this phone as a means to lower the bill for the next cycle.
  
• I will accept text messages and would ask that you send me text messages to let me know if you're going to call or would like me to call you.
  
• I recommend that you call my home number, if you don't have it I'll e-mail it to you.
  
• As such, if I talk to you in the near future I'll be calling you from my home phone with a calling card.

Sound good? Please comment, message, or e-mail.

Post-Script: The parentals have informed me that the $204 phone bill was the remainder after my Mom's previous over-payment, leaving a credit of $33. So, the real total cost of that bill is $237. Crazy, huh?

We're on the news, channel 2 on TV and channel 8 on Cable, at 5:30 and 10:00 tonight. I wonder how accurate the footage will be in regards to our National win?

Post Script: (At 6:20 p.m.) It wasn't too bad at all. I just think that I looked like an uber-dork on the televsion. I especially did not like the fact they zoomed in on my face and mouth. Other than that, though, I think it was well done. Bravo news, bravo!

1. Iron my suit and press my shirt for official team photos and the PSA
   
2. Read that damn section in "Basic Concepts" for our Japanese Culture presentation.
   
3. Practice my POI at least three times for the Undergraduate Research Conference next week
   
4. Meet with Marty and figure out the classes I'm taking for the Fall
   
5. Buy Gym Class Heros' CD
   
6. Buy The Academy Is...'s CD
   
7. Send a box of stuff to my parents
   
   
   
   • Find a birthday card for my Mom
     
   • Wrap my Mom's gift
     
   • Get my Dad the things he wants
     
   
   
8. Clean my room
   
9. Look at apartments for next year
   
10. Get GBP's webpage up and running
    
11. Make a new template for my blog (Ha! I know.)
    

Two fuckers that seem to think they need to watch Alias on DVD so loud that I can hear it with the hallway door closed and my bedroom door closed.

And holy shit, unless they're deaf, I shouldn't even have to step out of my room to say a fucking word about turning the volume down.


I don't even want to know why it's that loud, just turn it the fuck down. Assholes!


(This blog officially rated "R" now.)

Image is direct-linked to creator. Full props for this image go out to Zjeery at Deviantart.com
I'm in a space in between yesterday and tomorrow and I'm don't know if I'm ready to move forward or if I'm blindly falling backward. And I don't know what it's about or where I want to be.

I can't speak, I fear sharing thoughts. I don't want it to get too deep...at least not right now. I write rampantly during times like this, but this time it is different. I write, but in cryptic undertones so the real message is muddled because I don't want it to be fully known. Yet, I feel I need to voice something if only to allow myself to breathe and throw a brick off my shoulders.

But it's not enough.

The lucidity and depth of this body of water have become murky and iced-over. I'm just skating across it right now, cautiously. With each movement I worry the ice will crack and that I'll fall into these waters of uncertainty as they stab at me and pull me under. The helping hands I have pushing me along now may not be there to pull me up if and when I fall under. Yet these hands are warm, strong, and caring.

But is it enough?

The clock ticks, and time passes. Then time is paused, only for an instant. Time as the scene is left in position. Untouched, but examined. Nothing spoken, but something broken? The clock ticks again, and time passes. The hands circle, and circle, and circle until keeping track doesn't matter anymore. And yet, the scene replays. Replays in circles, and circles until it spins out.

And it is more than enough...right now.