Saturday, February 19, 2005

So many pieces have started falling together recently. Shards that seemed too small and too broken to make sense of have actually come together to reveal an image that I'm proud of. I finally have some sense of direction--I know where I'm going in the now and that's what matters. Sure, it's not the path that many thought I should go, but I'm happier this way. I've started to feel enjoyment in my decision, not regret or pain about the road ahead. I know it's not as definite as the others, but that's what I feel secure in. It's open. It's flexible. It gives me room. All of this is enough to leave me be, to let me breathe.

The remaining bits are slowly forming a whole. I'll know where I'll be next year soon enough. It won't be so close, and I wonder what it will change. I know it'll be different from where I am now. I know I'll be alone. I don't know what to think about it yet. I don't know who will be around for me if I need someone to depend on. Will there even be someone to depend on or will I just be in a state of Existentialism?

And yet, these parts will reveal themselves in time. Just as the shards shifted in time, coming together to illuminate the image I have now. All of this will make sense sooner or later.


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