Better By Nightfall

Well, my inform is well underway now. Hopefully this topic will prove to be worth my time and effort. I doubt anyone else will have it, but then again, someone on my team had my topic last semester at the fault of Marty. Not that it really mattered last semester. After all, that speech sucked. The topic was good, but the speech I wrote was horrible.

Still, I'm starting to wonder if I should've e-mailed Marty about my topic again. I know I should e-mail him to keep him up to date, but lately his lack of response has been annoying me. It reminds me of last semester when I e-mailed him my speech topics and later my speeches and asked him to read through and edit them as he saw fit and he never said or did anything about them.

It wouldn't annoy me so much except that during my exit meeting at the end of last semester he told me to e-mail him and the other coaches to keep them updated because I'm so far away and that "they'd respond."

Aside from Erin, no one has responded. I must note that Lacey has, but she's not a coach. (I'm thankful for both of them, though) ;)

Which is starting to make me question Marty's little speech about "each member is only as good as the rest of the team." If that were the case, wouldn't the coaching staff be more willing to help and respond to the students? I'm not sure. I'm not certain, but it's almost like I have to prove myself before he'll even respond to my e-mails. It's starting to remind me of high school debate with Mrs. Hooley. Ugh. I can't bother but think about how annoying her class was every time I see her, hear her name, or think about her. She only liked students after they won their first trophy, students the rest of us aptly named "Trophy Bitches." I'm starting to wonder if Marty follows the same policy...

*SIGH* Maybe I shouldn't bog myself down so much by thinking about this extraneous stuff. However, I can't help but think that this isn't extraneous. It means something to me. Yet, at the same time, it's been taking its toll on me too. Lately I've been thinking about that stupid tournament in Seattle. It was just a tournament, but it keeps coming back into my mind. I've been having this recurring dream about it too. It's similar to the same one I had weeks after that tournament, but it is set in the present when I return to Idaho. It's the same feeling, words, situation, everything. In my dream I feel hopeless with ferocity to prove, but as the dreams reoccur, the ferocity seems to fade. It's strange too, it's almost like my body's being taken over by something else. I honestly don't know. It is just a dream, but it is weird that it's been coming back as of last week and hasn't gone away.

I don't know.

I guess I should continue what I'm doing and see what happens when I get back. Continuously reminding myself the reason I'm still doing this...


Post Script: On the upside, I finally got paid!! A nice big check for $810, with 64 dollars cut for taxes (I needed that extra money too, Bastards!). Will be depositing it shortly and going about the business I planned to do a while ago.