Better By Nightfall

Don't you find it funny how many minutes and hours of the day we spend worrying about things in the future? I do.

Today, hours were wasted by my thoughts. Hours wasted by my worrying about some assignment that's due two days from now, but really means nothing in the long run. At least, not that much.

Someone once said to me, "Twenty-four hours from now it will be tomorrow and this will have already passed." I guess, sometimes I need to remind myself that tomorrow is only twenty-four hours away. That, in hours, day, weeks, etc., from now this will have passed and I'll be tackling something new. I'll be doing something else and not really thinking about what already happened.

However, this does not mean that I like my professor. I don't. In fact, I dislike him immensely. When evaluations come around I'm going to be the last one to finish writing because I have so much to say. Aside from that, though, it just means I've finally come to some sort of peace with the current situation at hand with this class.

Now is what matters, and now is what I'm thinking about.

"You live the life you're given with the storms outside, and some days all I do is watch the sky."--Watch the Sky :: Something Corporate

After reviewing my academic plans it has come to my attention that I'll be taking five more semesters worth of math classes because my major requires that you be an insane nerdy masochist. Yeah, it worries me too. I'm taking my first of the five semesters this Spring with Calculus I and all the fun that it will bring. (Which, hopefully is not a gun to my head or a trip to the hospital because of alcohol poisoning.)

It's not that bad, I suppose. The Math Department on my campus, however, is another story. If the department didn't pry itself on having a 70% failure rate I'd feel better about taking that much math.

Tutor? Yeah, I think I'll be getting one.

Other than that, I'm looking forward to the rest of my classes...except for the fact that half of them are with my current lousy Japanese professor. Once I'm done with these classes, though, I'll pretty much have my minor out of the way.

Let's see if I'm still singing this tune after the first two-four weeks of next semester.

Making a new template is a bitch. This is taking longer than I thought it would. Maybe I'll delay it until Christmas?

This is a call, a message if you'll hear
but it's only good if you get the intent
and understand that it is sincere

These spoken lines are hard enough to say
wretching them from the throat
watching them transfer and fade away

Do you feel the content?
Understand its whole
Comprehend its underline
Grasp its meaning

and tell me you know what I've been getting at.

Voice to me the intent.


But if all these words are nothing new
or if this message is lost in translation
then there is nothing left for me to do...

For, perhaps, it's not enough for you.

I'm going to try and have a new template up before break is over. This one has served its purpose and now it is time to come up with a new visual concept.

You'll know when it's done.

As of this moment, I have gone a whole week without a Toffee Nut Latte. This, of course is due in part to the five days of being away from a Starbucks (a.k.a. Proof that God exists).

I know, it's shocking.

Is the addiction too strong or can I get through Thanksgiving without a lovely latte and a moist morsel of godly goodness?

You know it's a good weekend when you get trashed after the tournament is over and find yourself throwing up in the bus porto-potty the next morning on the way home. Of course, I wouldn't know the full extent of that experience because I wasn't the one barfing my guts out after drinking "2 Margaritas, 2 Coronas, 1 Chimichanga, and 'Soupy' Tequila." Annah, however, was certainly seeing bottom-side on the bus ride home. Now, don't go feeling sorry for her. She drank her heart out and then tried to make everyone else feel sorry for her self-created misfortune. Tragic, I think not.

Besides Annah's barf-fest 2004, the weekend went well. I placed 3rd of 36 in my Informative Speech, 5th of 12 in my Dramatic Interp., and my debate partner Hillary and I broke to Octa-Finals. Overall, our team took second place in Division I behind Carroll. Carroll brought 32 competitors with 77 speech entries, but only broke 42% of them compared to our team who only brought 13 competitors with 47 speech entries and broke in 58% of them. When you break it down in numbers, we did much better than them...and we didn't have to flood the tournament with out speech entries to do it. Still, we increased our lead over Carroll for the NFC by 120 points...a tough lead for the Satanic Saints to break.

Again, all in all it was a good tournament except for the following notations:

Carroll clearly flooded the tournament in an attempt to gain a lead over our college, but didn't manage to. While I think it's somewhat unfair that they brought double the competitors we brought, I can deal with it. However, judging from some of my ballots and the ballots of other members on my team, I think Carroll had some masked malicious intent against my college. Both of the speech events I broke in had the same Carroll judge (among the three judges). And in both of those rounds she dropped my college in placings and points for various dumb citations like:
1. You don't have enough sources in this speech (when I have 8 fully cited sources)
2. You're speech is well done, but you don't walk me through the visual aides you have (When I know I did because the other judges complemented me for it).
3. One caveat, I have heard this piece done so many times and because of it I have to compare you to the rest of them, and you don't do it well enough. So she gave me a 5 and 19 in the round (that's really low).

So, on point three there I'd just like to point out that everyone that broke to finals in DI, with the exception of two people, had pieces that were overdone within the last semester or year. However, I guarantee you that this "unbiased" judge who shall remained unnamed didn't site on their ballots because: One, they were all about man-bashing; Two, they weren't from my college; Three, they didn't stand in the way of her college's attempt to win the the tournament and try and fill the gap; and finally, while she knew they were overdone, she sited my piece in particular because she knew it was her only real scapegoat should the ballot ever have been challenged.

So, not only did she gype me from placing higher, but she also did it in such a way that she wouldn't get called on about it. Which, of course, really angers me. It's one thing to flood the competition in an attempt to win because you're that desperate, but it's another when you have your college's judges purposely lower ranks of the school you're college is in direct contention with. That's not only unfair, it shows just how low you're college really is and how desperate it was to win and have a smaller gap between us for overall sweeps.

Well, I'd just like you to know that I'll be around at the next NFC tournament with all my events that placed, with new speeches that will place, and with a team that will solidify the fact that we own the overall sweeps regardless of your bias and desperation.

Good luck, you're going to need it.

Things are much better now that my Anthropology test is done with. Hopefully I did well on it. I think I did. It was one of those tests where I pretty much knew the answer off the bat. If I didn't know the answer, I just guessed with what sounded like the most logical answer. The only annoying part of class was having to sit there amidst the douche bags (95% of the class), who were complaining that: "there was too much to read," "[the professor] was very harsh in his assignment and probably a 'big dick' about what would appear on the test."

To all you douche bags I say the following:

Quit you Goddamn bitching and get over it. First off, reading is a core requirement of the class. Our professor stated that on the first day. Apparently you didn't read the syllabus or you're just lazy. Furthermore, the books aren't that bad. If I can read the "Molded in the Image of Changing Woman" and get through the 245 pages within 4-6 hours, you can too. Hell! You probably had more time than me to get through it because I was lazy and saved it to the last minute. The difference between me and you, though, is that I can read (read, not skim) the book in that short amount of time and remember almost everything and think of questions that might appear on the test. Instead of wasting my time complaining about how "hard" the test might be, I actually study with few complaints, take the test, and kick you asses when I get A's and B's. So don't complain around me because you're that fucking lazy that you can't motivate yourself to get a better grade. Especially those of you who only have two classes, this class being the second of the two.

Finally, I'd like to thank my parents for blessing me with intelligence through their genes. Thanks to them, I can actually retain information and knowledge and realize that in some form it is applicable to my life. I also thank them for teaching me to not be a whinny bitch and complain about something that I have control over. Thank you, God! I am blessed!

I need some time to myself, some time away from the apartment.

Judging high school policy debate requires that you be incredibly stupid and buy completely ludicrous arguments like: sex/slave trafficking will lead to nuclear war, dehumanization will lead to nuclear war, and a plethora of others. Do high schoolers really think we're stupid enough to buy these fallacious arguments...apparently so. I don't want to hear another speech about how the world is going to end in nuclear war because I vote for the Affrimative or Negative. Stupid fuckers!

Also, if I have to listen to a speech on religious intolerance with the introduction, "my girlfriend is Mormon and I'm Catholic and we believe in religious tolerance," someone is going to get hurt.

This is why I don't do judging...


P.S. Caryn, I'm not mad at you! ;)

The cover of the November 6th-13th 2004 Economist is by far the most satanic picture of one Mr. George W. Bush, our president for the next four years.

On the positive side, though, Attorney General John Ashcroft resigned. I know that Ashcroft has been good for America, but he just freaks me out in general. I wonder which evangelical right-winged neo-conservative Bush will put in his place?

Gotta' love Bush and his Democracy...or should I say Plutocracy.

Send a text message to my phone at 7:10 in the morning telling me it's cold outside...when it's 5:10 a.m. my time.

The weight of unspoken words fills the atmosphere
the silence remains unbroken
through motion without sound
You'd rather avoid the question
than have to turn around
and slow down to say a word
Instead the language you use
is rooted in the steps you choose
the places you go
and only what you'd like us to know

The times have changed from then to now
but the markings are there
the signs are evident
is there something you'd like to share?
Still the steps you take
echo the distance you place between friend and foe
and it's what they break
the shards they make
the pieces that fall
tell a different story to all

Perhaps it's best to wait it out
and see where it goes
Let it make its mark
and just leave the endings as "who knows"
So you can walk on by
and pretend to us it's gone and dead
but we'll never know for sure
because it's the bullet in your gun
positioned next to your head

In case you can't read it, the shirt says: "Practice Celibacy. No Bush. No Dick."


Yeah, we're cracked out!


We look decent...sort of. XD


Fukume. I'm lonely!


Lacey did an awesome job, huh? It's crazy kewl!


Look at my wiiings!!


Woo! A great picture of me. Hahah...right.


At least I'm not the only one who's cracked out! ;)


Gazing off into the uncertain future...of doom!

There are some more pictures, but I'm not posting all of them. The important point here is that you Practice Celibacy and accept NO BUSH or DICK this year! It's not acceptable! ;)

Lacey will have some of the other pictures on her blog! w00t!

Also, read her "Power Politics Theory" post. It's insightful and interesting. I agree with her on that point. ;)

P.S. Doesn't my new profile pic. rock?! I like it. Screw you ASSWEE, I like my long hair, bitch!

These grey skies and passerbys
whisper sighs and quickly-grasped goodbyes
of the past that wasn't meant to be
that was construct of you to me

But, it is another day and I'm moving along
walking down this street
past the places we never used to meet
And then it's this rendezvous
where the crosswalks signal divergence
where words and hugs exchanged echo resurgence
It breaks away from me and you
it's brief, and passing by
symbolic of us, even goodbye
Though, I wish I was getting it all wrong

And weeks have passed
still I'm here like this
breaking it down
wanting to turn it around
wondering if there was something I missed
But there is no explanation for the powers that be
no reason or answers I can clearly see
why we came together
amidst the grey skies and autumn weather
Yet, I hope that it isn't our last

Hope you have an awesome day! :D