Better By Nightfall

Earlier this evening I found out that my good friend Steven was kicked out of his house by his psycho father. Fortunately for him, Vickie dropped everything she was doing and drove to his house to help him get his stuff and get out, but the real issue lies in where he's going to stay.

In many ways I wonder if this is partially my fault. Earlier this summer I told Steven I could and would drive him to his college in Southern Idaho since I was led to believe his parents weren't willing to help him out at all. When I first got back to Idaho, I initially took care of my self and got settled in my new apartment with my roommates and let things slide for a while. Steven had called for and asked me to take him to his college, but I was extremely busy those weekends he did call. I probably could've dropped everything and headed down there, but I didn't. Instead I attended my Gamma Beta Phi meetings, did homework, and worked on my debate speeches and research. Finally, two weeks later, I got some free time on my schedule and I was planning on taking Steven to his college. The Monday of that week I started my car to drop something off at the post office, but something was wrong. My car began to heat up gradually and I could smell a sulfur-gasoline smell seeping through the air vents and the hood of the car. Needless to say, I didn't drive it anywhere.

After consulting my Dad, we decided it was best to take it to the local radiator shop I took it to last year when my car went crazy on me. Feeling bad about all the delays and not being able to get him to his college, I offered to buy him a greyhound bus ticket to his college, but he refused both times. So, I just let it go. Due to some delays and then a tournament the week after and then being busy again, I ended up getting my car checked yesterday. According to the owner of the local radiator shop, my car's problem lies in the carburetor and possibly the air filter. Both of which I'll have to get replaced soon. Obviously, there was no way I could've driven down to Steven and then to his college without risking my life, and, possibly, his.

Still, all of it somehow led to him getting kicked out of his house. While I don't feel responsible for the atmosphere that caused the problems that eventually lead to him getting kicked out, I feel like I could've done more. Part of me says "If I would've just went down there that weekend, this wouldn't have happened!" The other part of me says "Hey, wait, this was bound to happen eventually. You saw it last August when his Dad went psycho and threw a frozen chicken into the wall because he was pissed that Steven was still living there."

Regardless, I feel horrible inside. I look at how his fucked-up verbally and physically abusive Dad forced Steven to leave and how his weak and needy Mother refused to really help him or put a stop to her husband's malicious behavior led to him getting kicked out. Granted, Steven played a role in it himself. He didn't really work to actually get the college stuff done on time so he could go. I pushed him to do it all last year and he slacked off. And, In this sense I don't feel bad for him because I was there and I did help him to the best of my ability. Still, I feel such sympathy for him because he has it so much harder than I do. In my case, my parents are supporting me financially through college as long as I continue to work my ass off for scholarships, they're not asking much from me, and, most importantly, they love me.

Perhaps this is why it hurts to hear and imagine Steven being on his own. I've never understood, until now, how bad some people have it. I always assumed that most parents supported their children because they wanted them to do better than they ever did. Obviously this isn't the case for everyone. I guess I was just incredibly naive. As much as I'd like to believe that Steven is better off away from his parents, I'm worried that he won't make it on his own in the long run. While I'm trying to support him as best as possible now, I'm worried that anything I can do will not be enough for him, and that scares me.