Better By Nightfall

He paused to take in the air around him, not knowing if it would be the last breath he would take before the plunge. It was times like this that concerned him most, times of pressure and constraint. Times he felt he had little or no control over, regardless of his previous actions to appear or, preferably, be ready. The ripples of each pebble cast seemed to intersect with one another until they overlapped without a sign of division.

At the moment, such was not the situation, but with every breath he inhaled he felt the tremors of its onset. Each pebble had been cast in its own way, and with each an word of action or promise that, by all means, had to be fulfilled for his sake or the sake of those he cared for. And still he wondered if he was too concerned or perhaps, not concerned enough. To him, the line between the two was starting to look more ambiguous by the second. Without some sort of control, he would have to solve the ripple effects of all while trying to balance everything else out. Balance was one element he could manipulate as if to juggle, but usually with some dangerous outcome. That fact alone worried him and he pondered how he could solve for everything and manage to avoid the danger.

He couldn't. The fact that he said he would, that he committed himself to these actions and promises meant that he had to do them. He could just as easily let them go, but with that accrued certain irreversible scars on his character. Scars he need not bare because he knew he was fully capable of fulfilling the actions behind them.

Taking another breath, he realized that if he managed to remain calculated and collected in his actions that balance he wished to keep could easily be maintained still.