Better By Nightfall

I have never gotten the concept of losing money for fun. The whole premise is at fault. How can losing money ever be fun? I suppose if you're rich and you have the cash to burn, it's worth the while. After all, it is practically like wiping your ass with dollar bills.

For me this weekend in Jackpot was neither fun nor worthwhile. I started the day with 70 some dollars and ended up losing almost all of it within in hours. From slot machines to tables, the whole gambling scene is really pathetic. I should've taken notice from the ride down. To my left and right, from the front to the back, almost every one on the bus ride down was a member of AARP. They must have gotten up from their rockers and pill-popped their way from their geriatric neighborhoods to the mind-numbing glow of a slot machine; slot machines with new(!) convenient buttons so our dearly degenerating do not agitate their arthritis (I am almost certain I even saw them dealing out Advil along with the desserts at the buffet). That being said, I do not dislike the elderly. On the contrary, I enjoy them. They were some of the nicest people to be around and talk to on the trip down. It is the concept of all of it that depressed me. The concept of seeing people near the end of their days, their "golden years" if you will, pissing away their time at a senseless game that'll only screw them over more than Bush's new Medicare prescription drug plan.

Jackpot can be found in the middle of shitside and depressing. There is not a single distinguishing feature in the area, just three casinos along the only road that runs through the town. It's utterly disheartening. People flock there in hopes of "making it big" when they have better chances of having a heart attack. So why did I go? I went because I wanted to hang out and enjoy the company of my friends; and yeah, I'm not going to lie, it would've been nice to make some money (Ah! The deceptive and ill-conceived notion behind gambling).

I mainly played slots which, I admit, was a huge mistake. The odds are always horrible at these things, especially when it is a digital machine specifically programmed to rape you of your money. I didn't do tables. Tables are somewhat intimidating for me because I barely understand Texas hold'em and I'm afraid I'd get screwed over in blackjack. I will not have to learn either though. After losing my money I doubt I'll ever return. I was up and then I was down, and by the end of it all I was always ended up empty-handed. My friends seemed to enjoy it though. Nancy had a blast pressing buttons, enticed by the lights and buzz. Glenn and Dan enjoyed the tables while they were up and cursed them when they were down. Rachel played the nickel slots and, luckily, made some money back by the end of the night.

Perhaps you think I am just vindictive because I lost money. I am, but with good reason. Losing money without getting anything in return is never worth it. Earlier tonight my good friend asked me if it was worth it to go down to Jackpot and I replied with the following:

"If you mean was it worth the $10 bus fare, then yes. Any trip to shitside and depressing with free drinks is always worth the money. If you mean was it worth all the money I lost, then no. A trip like that should also include dinner, a sexual favor, and a mint on my pillow."

And that, my friends, is why I am certain I will never gamble again. Not even if I go to Las Vegas. If it's not about taking your money in a machine, it's about taking your money through your mouth, your eyes, or your dick (or elsewhere, I'm sure they do that too).