Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I've been in a weird mood lately. I think, given the numerous things that have occurred (classes driving me crazy, debate/speech gone awry, and other personal issues), it has probably been in the course of things to come and I just didn't anticipate it. I dislike how life does that to you--how we are aware it is cyclical, but blinded to its approaches. That's just life though. That's change.

Yet, even as I know this, I feel somewhat disheartened. I accept change as it comes so rapidly, but what it leaves in its wake is harder to deal with. Things always seem correct and proper at first until you realize that the scenery has changed and that you can't do much about it except keep moving. That's how this year has been so far: change without control. It's the reason why I'm not as happy as I was last year on the debate team, even though we do well and I've done well. It's the reason why I'm more motivated to focus on myself and my classes because they seem to be one of the only static things I have. It's the reason that certain things have fallen apart, even though I tried my best to mend some of them.

I'm sure there is a reason for all of this, maybe even some motivation to grow and do more. And that is great, but I'm just not feeling it right now.

4 comments:

carebear said...

you are in the same boat as me, remember that ok..you aren't alone...also to just keep going at it cuz good things will come out of it...never never never give up!!:) hugs always

Thister said...

Thanks Sis!

Yeah. As I was talking to one of my friends here earlier this afternoon, I was reminded that this is "the bad" time of year. As it has been my experience (and some of my friends) it's usually around late September through early November that "shit piles up" and "drama somehow finds a way in" as well. Each year of college as I look back, has been just about the same, at the same time. Freshmen year it was my computer not getting fixed and then Ana. Sophomore year it was roommate issues, freaking out about debate, Japanese class going to hell, and losing contact with my best friend Steven after he got kicked out of his house by his dad. This year it's been the pressure (mostly self-induced) to get a 4.0 or really good grades, my brother being irresponsible, and more.

Granted, I know it's cyclical how things happen. It just seems to me that these things like to happen frequently with ferocity in October. Why does October hate me?

carebear said...

i don't know what oct hates..haha but it made me laugh :)

carebear said...

i am ok..i think...just my mind keeps thinking of things and all and i was watching a show and that's where my blog comes from...just been thinking..

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