Better By Nightfall

Now that I'm back home and all is said and done for this semester, I'm still worried. I know they're posted or will be soon enough, and I'm afraid to check them. I'm afraid to see these marks that I'll carry with me like scars.

I know I did well and that I gave it my all, but I wonder if, in some cases, that was enough. Of course I managed and pulled through, but where do I stand? I want to know the answer. I want to feel assured about my efforts, but I can't get past the fact that maybe I stumbled along the way.

It's well enough to continue when you fall, but it isn't enough when you can't get back to where you were.

Perhaps that is what I'm most worried about.

I know my elevation in the topics I grasped and held on to; the topics I climbed and conquered. My elevation in the others, however, should be stated in depth so that one can see how far I fell before I drowned.

I obviously made it to shore, though, somehow. While the tidal wave threw me out to sea, tore me up along the way, and nearly drowned me in the depth of what is still unknown, I survived. It's just that I fear the recollection of it all. Tracing the ebbing back to the epicenter and wondering when and where I got swept into the hurricane.

Maybe I'm better lost at sea in my ignorant simplicity. Maybe...but for how long?