This is a thesis venting moment meant for cathartic release of nervousness, anxiety, and stress. It may be potentially unorganized and/or strange. Read at your own risk!
I hate the weekends right now. Don't get me wrong. I love them for the times I get to spend with my friends and the necessary distractions that they provide, but I can't help but feel a little lost in them. They provide a great escape from the reality of school, time away from the never-ending lap swimming and I simply can't get back into the water after I've been out for a while.
The truth is, no matter what I do, I can't seem to focus on my thesis. My mind drags and I can't help but feel slightly overwhelmed by everything. Instead of positively focusing that energy, though, I am starting to realize that I am channeling it in the form of lethargy and a mild form of seasonal blues. I keep slacking on my revisions and I dread looking at my e-mail inboxes for fear I'll get e-mails from students or, worse, my advisor.
It is silly and it is irrational. I know I shouldn't let the stress have this level of control over me. I know that I shouldn't let the gravity of everything wear me down as much as I do. And while I can help it, I often feel powerless. It's almost as if no matter what I do, it is not enough.
I need to shake these feelings and I need to get back in the game. I am better than these thoughts and feelings. I am stronger than I give myself credit for in these moments, I just need to regain my strength.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
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2 comments:
Dude, I swear we are always going through the same emotional rollercoaster at the sametime. I am so overwhelmed with not having anything to do, no classes, no social life, no job, and to top that I have so much debt that I need to repay back that I don't even want to think about it, and also I got so screwed by the VA that I have to repay money that I got for free, isn't that crap. I just to enjoy the days and not worry about things that I don't have control over. I hate that. However, we will be able to get through this, like always. Things do turn out to be ok in the end. Smile!
Familiarity can breed contempt, right? I think you just need a little time away from it to make it fresh. Bee Tee Dub, love the disclaimer at the top! It made me laugh. :)
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