Tuesday, February 10, 2009

This is a thesis venting moment meant for cathartic release of nervousness, anxiety, and stress. It may be potentially unorganized and/or strange. Read at your own risk!

I hate the weekends right now. Don't get me wrong. I love them for the times I get to spend with my friends and the necessary distractions that they provide, but I can't help but feel a little lost in them. They provide a great escape from the reality of school, time away from the never-ending lap swimming and I simply can't get back into the water after I've been out for a while.

The truth is, no matter what I do, I can't seem to focus on my thesis. My mind drags and I can't help but feel slightly overwhelmed by everything. Instead of positively focusing that energy, though, I am starting to realize that I am channeling it in the form of lethargy and a mild form of seasonal blues. I keep slacking on my revisions and I dread looking at my e-mail inboxes for fear I'll get e-mails from students or, worse, my advisor.

It is silly and it is irrational. I know I shouldn't let the stress have this level of control over me. I know that I shouldn't let the gravity of everything wear me down as much as I do. And while I can help it, I often feel powerless. It's almost as if no matter what I do, it is not enough.

I need to shake these feelings and I need to get back in the game. I am better than these thoughts and feelings. I am stronger than I give myself credit for in these moments, I just need to regain my strength.


carebear said...

Dude, I swear we are always going through the same emotional rollercoaster at the sametime. I am so overwhelmed with not having anything to do, no classes, no social life, no job, and to top that I have so much debt that I need to repay back that I don't even want to think about it, and also I got so screwed by the VA that I have to repay money that I got for free, isn't that crap. I just to enjoy the days and not worry about things that I don't have control over. I hate that. However, we will be able to get through this, like always. Things do turn out to be ok in the end. Smile!

Bree said...

Familiarity can breed contempt, right? I think you just need a little time away from it to make it fresh. Bee Tee Dub, love the disclaimer at the top! It made me laugh. :)

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