Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I am almost twenty-three and I feel lost in the world around me. I know where I am and what I am doing, but I feel like I have more to learn about myself and my place in the world. Moreover, it is a feeling I cannot shake. I keep returning to it, wondering why I feel uncertain about where I am.

I know part of my uncertainty comes from the instability I feel within the department. Yet, I also feel a longing for something more, something entirely novel and beyond myself. I want to feel that sense of joy and adventure again--that feeling like I am experiencing life in the fullest. I want something beyond what I know and do well.

I suppose it will happen in time. I know I will continue to grow and figure out more about myself. Still, I long for adventure and new challenges.

Perhaps, one day not too long from now, I will find that adventure. Until then, though, I will continue to be where I am in the present. I will try to find the joy in each new day while I continue to hope for something better down the road.


bardot said...

i call this time of uncertainty the "chaos time" (or the "quarterlife crisis"!). most people i know (myself included) went through this phase of questioning about life. i don't know if it ever goes away really; it haunts the back of my mind.

Thister said...

Well, it's nice to know I am not alone! (None of my other friends seems to mention it). I don't know why it keeps popping up now, but it happens frequently in streams of consciousness that are more like waking nightmares I can't escape.

At the very least, I am trying to remember that this is something I need to "tough out" until I feel better.

Bree said...

Oh kid, you still have two years before you hit the quarterlife crisis...just ask John Mayer! haha

Bree said...

And think of it this way...you have a Tristan Prettyman album named after you!

Thister said...

Haha! What if I only live until I am 92? Then it is a quarter-life crisis.

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