- On Wednesday I had a talk with my amazing advisor. We talked about turning in the conference paper to another conference and my lack of motivation and uncertainty about being a scholar and entering the world of academics (largely due to the department). My advisor reminded me that our department is "in transit," even though it seems in disarray. At the same time, she was able to provide me with renewed insight about my studies. She even challenged me to do more with my studies because she knows I am capable of it. I needed that reassurance. Honestly, I don't think I could survive graduate school without her advice and guidance.
- Singles Awareness Day came and went. I received a few valentines from close friends and I was thankful for them. I also received the wonderful valentine of 56 papers to grade while eating said valentines from close friends. All in all, it wasn't too bad.
- Friday and Saturday were research and reading days at the library. I learned I am surprisingly able to accomplish much more at my study carrel than I am at my house. According to my estimate, with a cogent mathematical equation, I am at least 5.3483 times more productive at the library than I am at home. Coffee, on estimate, adds 1.78 to my productivity initially, lasting for two and a half hours; but detracts 2.487 thereafter.
- Also on Friday and Saturday night I was invited to two parties that I declined to attend. While I knew the people that were at the parties, I felt like I didn't belong. It's weird. I have been around most of these people before, but I do not trust them just yet. As strange as it sounds, I feel old when I am around some of the people I know. I know this feeling of "oldness" is actually maturity, but, in these gatherings, it comes off as the plight of the wallflower. I guess I either need to relax more or find other friends to hang out with on a more consistent basis.
- After much research, I decide, today, that detoxing the body of toxins might be a good idea. I have wanted to do this for a while, but I didn't think I could dedicate to it. I am not fasting, but I have only drank detox tea for the last 6 hours. It tastes great, but I can honestly say I don't feel different. Perhaps, tomorrow, after noon, I'll feel different. My guess is: weaker.
- Tomorrow begins anew. I plan on reading and writing and enjoying some of my day off at the gym.
I am also thankful we don't have class, especially in light of the NIU shootings. I feel safe on campus here, but it does scare me to think (and know) that there are people that come to my campus who are crazy enough to do the same thing. After all, one of my students last semester talked about Virginia Tech more than usual, wanting to bring a gun on campus, and having a concealed weapons license. Suffice to say, I reported him. How far that goes and if it does anything, though, remains to be seen. I mean, what if my student turns out to be like one of these shooters?
This shooting also makes me feel uneasy about the academy as a site of liberal thought. If people cannot practice patience and tolerance in addition to open thought and expression, how will the academy continue to espouse education? How long will it be before there are metal detectors at every entrance to every building? It certainly makes you wonder.