Thursday, March 02, 2006

After a meeting I had today with a good professor from the Communication Department on my campus, I stopped to talk to the secretary, Chris, as she's always personable and very helpful. Earlier in the week I had called Chris to reschedule the appointment I had with this professor due to unexpected ID card and Health Insurance renewal issues. She wasn't there when I called, but she got the message. As we were talking today, though, I told Chris what had happened and why I had to reschedule the appointment. I told her, half jokingly and half seriously, "I never knew turning 21 could be so hectic, so deceptive. Every one says turning 21 is supposed to be fun, but I haven't had much fun lately!"

"Well, that's the truth about growing older, It's deceptive. It's like when you turn 16 or 18. Heck 35 or 40! Oh, for me that seems like ages ago!"

"Oh! Come on!"

"Well, thank you! It's true though, as you get older you find that things aren't as they seem. You just have to keep a level head about it."

"Yeah...I guess you do. Heh! Thanks Chris, I'll keep that in mind!"

I was talking on the phone with my best friend, yakking away about how great March was going to be. Chatting about all these fun occasions: my birthday, my other friend's birthday, St. Patrick's Day, Spring Break. Looking at the calendar and seeing that it was still on February, I changed the month to March and in that instant everything changed. Inked in almost every day of the week were assignments, tests, papers, quizzes. I was completely overwhelmed. All this time I had been planning to chill with my older friends throughout the month, waiting to let go and relax. Instead, looking at the calendar, I realized that it just wasn't going to happen. Deception. Lack of planning. Indeed, both a deception and, of course, a lack of planning. Originally I thought March wasn't so full packed with school assignments, but I thought wrong.

March is going to be sheer madness. That's all there is to it. Madness. Almost every day of every week in March after this weekend will be crazy. It is certainly not what I thought March would be like at all. That's life, though.

Growing older is deceptive, indeed. When you think you know what it's going to be like and you plan around that, it's hard to change your mind set and perceptions. All you can do is keep a level head about it and not let it get to you too much. That's what I'm trying to do. This semester has been the hardest semester I've ever had. It's been much more than I ever bargained for. It's a rugged landscape. It's another valley to another peak. A struggle. College wouldn't be college without it, though. (And if I can't hack it now, how am I ever going to hack it on the way to my master's or doctorates?) As much as it pains me physically, mentally, and emotionally to work on all these things and still stay as level headed as possible, that's what I must do.

I will fight.

I will fight through this semester, and every day I'll remember why when I look at my wrist. Growing older may be deceptive, but holding fast to my dreams and my future is neither deceptive nor ephemeral as long as I believe and follow through. Take it to the limit!?! Haha! Heck yeah, that's what I'm gonna do!


carebear said...

hey sunshine...alright i promise that i will be here..nothing going on let's talk away...let me know if that will work out..sorry about last night..the study group went longer than thought and then i didn't want to walk alone in the dark so i spent the night at my was fun to get away but i promised you that i would be here...sorry :(....cuz we haven't had our 4 hour talk for a looong time...i am missing those times...and i feel the need to help and just be there, but i haven't i feel sooo bad...but today i am here no matter what..i promise..scouts honor...

magnetic_poet said...

WAYNE! You should totally give motivational speeches :-) You have such a great attitude . . . I know you can make it!

Thister said...

Hey Carrie,

I have a tournament, so I won't be able to talk until some time next week. Hopefully I won't be to busy. We'll be in touch soon enough though. Wish me luck!


Hahah! Thanks! I do my best.

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