Better By Nightfall

I have to admit that I am not too fond of New Year's resolutions. It has been my experience that most resolutions are broken or forgotten in the daily and weekly happenings of a year. Hence, I typically do not usually make resolutions.

Yet, this year, I feel that I can write a list of resolutions and then use this blog to keep tabs on them from time to time. Although some of these resolutions may be broken or forgotten as the year progresses, I figure that it is worth my time and efforts to have some annual goals to keep me motivated when the days run thin this year. Besides, who said having goals was a bad thing?

In thinking about what I want to be able to do by next year, I have taken inventory of the many situations I have encountered over the last year and have artfully attempted to detail a litany of practical intent. Although some of this items may not be completed at all or fully, I think the merits are in the effort. Without further ado:

Resolutions for 2010

1. Learn to be more forgiving of others.
   
2. Be more honest in my thoughts and opinions and let others know how I feel.
   
3. Run at least one half marathon by the end of the year.
   
4. Become more fit, primarily with my upper body.
   
5. Get six-pack abs!
   
6. Learn two foreign languages. (I've selected Czech, which I will be taking courses in for the year, and French, which will be completed in part through RosettaStone and conversations with Hillary the French Master!.)
   
7. Take more pictures and become a better photographer.
   
8. Get a paper in the publication process.
   
9. Get two papers to a conference (or two).
   
10. Get rid of my credit card debt and keep the new balance below $500 thereafter.
    
11. Begin saving up to $5000 for the day I leave North Carolina.
    

Not only do these resolutions run the gamut of my personal life, but I also think they provide for plenty of blog-worthy material. That is, hopefully I will quit blogging about my tumultuous times with fame monsters, unruly students, and other oddballs in my life! (One could only hope, right?) Furthermore, it is my hope that I will be able to keep track of my progress on each of these resolutions and continue to make good on as many of them as possible if I remind myself of my progress. In this sense, then, I hope that by giving life to these resolutions that they become just that--firm decisions for action.

Cheers to 2010! May it be a year of painful growth, joy, sadness, and resolve.

Yesterday evening with the rest of the graduate students was quite revealing. It was familial yet frenzied; an inviting get-together that was more illuminating to me personally than anything else I have seen and experienced this semester. It opened up my eyes so wide that I realized I had been somatically moving through this semester without recognizing the reality around me.

Six hours revealed the graduate students of this department for who they really were: overly dramatic celebutants or fame monsters. (It seems even more fitting that at least one to two hours of the night were almost devoted to discussions about Lady Gaga as well.)

In short, I've come to the conclusion that I am more adult than the vast majority of my fellow graduate students. Instead of treating others with respect and common decency, there are many here who are childish, selfish, and downright ill-mannered. These individuals have no sense for collegial congeniality and are so wrapped up in themselves that they cannot see beyond the current situation. They are insecure and so pretentious, tirelessly working for attention in fear of the missed glance or longing glare.

These people are the reason I know I am a better person. In this one evening they revealed to me how genuine, sincere, and compassionate I am, all while being themselves in the face of company.

I am no longer burdened by the drama these people continue to produce in attempts to bury everyone in their wake. I am not longer worried that I am different or the so unknown. Instead, I am proud to know that I am resolutely mature, personable without pretentiousness, and secure enough in my own skin.

I am the best person I can be and no one—professor, graduate student, frienemy, or fame monster—is going to make me lose sight of all that I am.

My favorite cheesecake to make. It is light, simple, sweet yet tart.


Happy Thanksgiving!

I love Trader Joe's Pretzel Bread so much that I decided to look and see if there were any comparable recipes. Sure enough I found one and I can't wait to make some, but with cheese tops just like those in Germany.

Maybe I'll start a bakery?

I've been combating my affliction for the past two weeks and I think I've managed to mend some of my wounds. Although it is still too soon to say what will be in the coming semester, it is clear that I am going to finish up here to the best of my abilities. However difficult it may be and however lonely I may be, I am going to push through with the ultimate reward in sight: seeing my family.

I have no doubt that the remaining three weeks will challenge me beyond most everything else (except for the thesis, of course) up to this point. Two major (20-25 pages) papers and one theoretical paper which will inevitably drive me to drink heavily. I'm calling it my Martini Headgear (for Martin Heidegger) paper. All in all, I have my work cut out for me.

In addition to the stress of school, I've decided to go to campus health services to make sure I don't have some strange medical problem. I know that sounds odd to couple with all of this information. After all, you would think I would be headed to health and wellness services for some mental problem, but getting accepted into the Ph.D. program was the mental problem! Besides, I don't think my fatigue, dizziness, and abdominal pain have too much to do with my mental faculties. I'm sure it is just stress, but I want to make sure I'm not pre-diabetic or dealing with something worse. Of course, you might think I'm being paranoid. Maybe I am. I would rather be certain than sorry, though.


On a completely unrelated note, I deleted my twitter account. I'm not surprised if you didn't notice. I did it hastily and unannounced. Although twitter originally was fun to be a part of when it started, I have come to find it increasingly trivializing and downright boring. I enjoyed being able to stay in touch with everyone quickly, yet I secretly detested it. 140 characters into my life and you know nothing more about me; nothing substantial or important. Ultimately I felt that what I was getting out of twitter was a growing disconnection from others--a way of knowing less under the guise of seeing more. Thus, I deleted my account in the hope that those who know me and enjoy talking to me will continue to communicate with me through more genuine means. Type a comment. Write an e-mail. Send a postcard or letter. If I'm not too busy, call me and I may be able to chat. Don't expect to see me around twitter again, though. I'm done with it and, to some extent, some of the status updates I could put up on facebook as well.